My Biggest Fear…

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Happy, sad, confused, excited, angry, and scared. As humans we feel it all. Despite feeling it all, we sometimes don’t like to show our emotions or even talk about them. I recently watched a Zoella vlog that opened up a conversation about her greatest fear. I think this is a great topic to bring up. It’s nice to be reminded that being unsure is a part of life. Not having it all together right now or ever is completely fine and actually normal. It is okay not to be okay.

For a big chunk of my life I have dealt with mental disorders and now physical as well. Being constantly surrounded by these issues day after day it was pretty hard for me to be scared of anything. I had to get thick skin from a young age. Now I’ve realized that there might be a few things I’m scared of, even if I am scared to admit it. Well, I guess that’s the first one. I don’t like to admit weakness because weakness scares me. We can’t be strong all the time because if we could that would mean we are capable of handling any situation, but we can’t.

Another fear of mine has to do with more of my future. For a while I’ve known that I want to be a mother. Now, I don’t think that’s the ONLY thing I’m meant to be or do. I’ve just always loved the idea of being a parent and I think I would be pretty good at it. I guess I’m just scared of not having a kid of my own. What if I don’t meet someone I can start a family with? I know there are always other options. I just don’t want to live my life with “what ifs”.

Lastly, I’m scared planning too much that I never live in the moment. It’s easy to look back at the past year and ask myself why I didn’t just enjoy the moments for what they were. My brain seems to be focusing on other things and doesn’t give me the chance to enjoy my life for what it is sometimes. One of my goals is to just worry about now or even better, enjoy what is now.

Do you have a greatest fear? Let’s not be scared to talk about the hard stuff.

Thanks for stopping by,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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I’m Back Home After “Attempting” To Move Out.

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The past few years (before this blog) I have been going on and on about moving to Nashville. A couple of weeks ago I made the BIG move. Unfortunately, it didn’t go the way I had planned. I wrote this blog post while I was there and kind of touched on my frustrations. Coming from a cultural background where moving out is not a thing unless you are getting married, I really didn’t know much about what it is actually like. There is nothing I regret about giving moving a try because there is a lot that I realized. I am currently home for about a month because there are a few things I need to sort out before I make the move again. As much as I love Nashville, it might not be the place for me at this point in my life. Do I see myself buying a house there when I’m ready to settle down? I think so, but for now I’m ready to put other things first.

The 20’s are a time to be adventourous and make stupid mistakes without having too many priorities. My dream is to one day open up my own gymnastics facility, but to have my own business I wouldn’t have the freedom to move or travel as much. This is why now is my time to explore that side of life.

What I realized:

I would rather have a financially stable job right now and give a new city a try than live in the city if my dreams paycheck to paycheck.

Since I was a teen I’ve always put my goals for my career first (partly because of my ocd). I guess not much has changed about that. Before I moved I was willing to settle for a job that maybe didn’t pay so much, but as long as I was in my favorite city everything would be alright. It turns out if I can’t make enough to explore and do all the things I love in that city, than what is the point?

All in all maybe this wasn’t the right time for me to move to Nashville, but I’m not giving up on moving. I’ve already applied to some other cities and am looking forward to my next adventure.

Have you had any unexpected experiences when moving away?

Thanks for stopping by,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Two days in a new city. (I MOVED OUT!)

lifestyle

Like I mentioned in previous posts, I decided to move from Los Angeles, CA to Nashville, TN. I have been here for about 2 1/2 days doing the whole job hunting/apartment hunting craze. It was great when I first got here because I was just excited to even be here. Now…I’m starting to lose my cool.

This is my first time being on my own so having to deal with rent to income ratio is STRESSING ME OUT. I’m in a new city trying to figure it all out, but I know I never will. After visiting a couple of places and making sure they are close proximity to some potential jobs makes it that much more challenging. I’ve been here before, but I guess I never realized how spread out things really are. I’m trying to sort this all out without running back home crying that I couldn’t do it. What makes it harder is that my mom is here with me so I feel like I almost need to validate why I CAN do this.

After viewing a few places and almost deciding on a job, I have decided to lower my rent budget a bit and look at surrounding areas as well. My “job” is in a different town so I feel like being a bit more flexible with my options will be a lot more helpful. I just need to remind myself that everything is temporary and if I don’t like a certain apartment, I don’t have to be there forever. It’s hard adjusting to a new place so far from home, but I am still excited for what’s yet to come. (And a little terrified).

Have a good rest of the week,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Things I say to help me get through the day.

mental health, Uncategorized

Wow life is catching up and it’s been hard getting these blog posts up. Hopefully once a week isn’t too bad for now. I’ll have a lot of traveling pictures up here pretty soon since I’m moving THIS WEEK! Anyways, I wanted to share some things that help me get through the rough moments of life that I’ve learned these past couple of years. Hope this helps you out if you need a little extra boost.

“Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full.”

This is something my dietician told me in treatment for my eating disorder. It may seem like common sense to most, but for someone with a bad relationship with food it can make the world of difference.

“I let go of all the lies I tell myself.”

I like this saying so much that I got it tattooed on me. It’s nice reminder when I’m busy looking at myself in the mirror trying to find as many “imperfections” as I can.

“This is just temporary.”

I think one of the hardest parts of the 20s is that we like to compare ourselves to everyone else. We think where we are now in life is forever, but it isn’t. If you need to work those 3 jobs to make your way to a career you will one day have, do it!

“A picture can lie.”

Sticking with the comparison issue that seems to be rising, we are all aware of the impact of social media. A picture is just a highlight of someone’s day, it isn’t their everyday.

I hope this gives you a little mid week boost. Best of luck with your day or night. I’ll be doing my best to update regularly on here as I’m in the midst of moving. Follow if you’d like to keep up with the move!

Thanks for stopping by,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Why I’m leaving LA.

lifestyle, mental health

In case you haven’t heard, it’s Mental Health Awareness week. You might wonder what any of this has to do with the post title. Well, surprisingly it has a lot to do with it.

I was born and raised in a suburb in Los Angeles, CA. Now a days it’s pretty hard to call anywhere a suburb around here. I love where I grew up. The great thing is I was close enough to all the great things you’re exposed to in LA, but still able to enjoy quiet neighborhoods around people you grow up with. Being 24 now, I’ve had the privledgr of enjoying my early 20’s in a city filled with things to do at all hours. Now that I’ve had my fun, I’ve realized that it’s time for me to leave this place. Just because I’m still young it doesn’t mean I need to be in a big city going out all the time. An age is just a number and you should never feel like you HAVE to live your life a certain way.

When I was 19 I got diagnosed with OCD and since then I’ve had an eating disorder and som physical health issues. These past few years have been a struggle trying to not stress over daily life. I’ve always been attracted to quiet towns with nature and good old mannerisms. Since I was younger, living in the south has been a dream of mine. About a year ago I decided I was not happy and it was time for me to put my health first. This is when I made it a plan and goal to move. Since then I have been working extremely hard trying to get out of here to save my sanity. As grateful as I am for this city, I still hold a lot of resentment towards it. A lot of my anger and stress doesn’t get better when I am sitting in traffic or living with my family because trying to get a place out here is just ridiculous and not worth it. I’m definitely not the person who is willing to live with roommates. I need my space and I need a small city that doesn’t take over an hour to get across. It’s time for me to make a change.

Since I decided to leave (which will be in a few weeks), I have gotten some positive responses and some negative. People really want to tear you down just because they might not get your decisions or when they are simply too afraid to do things themselves. I’ve decided to only listen to positive people and mainly just listen to myself. This is something I want to do and nothing anybody says will change that. I know what’s best for my happiness. Don’t forget that YOU MATTER. Your health relies so much on your happiness so please take care of yourself. Put yourself first. There is nothing wrong with that.

Thank you for reading. I hope you will follow my moving journey with me. I will be posting about my road trip and moving into my first apartment by myself. Follow if you’d like to keep up.

Until next time,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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These really DON’T matter in adulthood.

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As a teenager or young adult a lot of us think that whatever we decide or do now is going to live on with us forever! Growing up, I’ve realized that this in fact is NOT true. I spent many days stressing over things that honestly weren’t and still aren’t a big deal. Maybe it’s getting more comfortable with who I am or maybe people just become a lot more sensible in adulthood (one can hope).  If you are a teen reading this, I want to ease you with some of the things you might be going through. The truth of the matter is that whatever you are going through you probably won’t even remember a couple years from now. Don’t worry, I’m here to make life a bit easier for you and let you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me, these don’t and shouldn’t matter!

  1. How many social gatherings you attend: This does not determine your cool factor.
  2. What “click” you should hangout with: Majority of people don’t really stay friends.
  3. How much you spend on materialistic items: Oh trust me, life gets more expensive.
  4. Planning your elaborate future: Trust me when I say… nobody’s life will go exactly as planned.
  5. WHEN you have your first kiss or lose your virginity: Nobody is comparing numbers in adulthood. If they are, they have some serious growing up to do. Take your time and do things as you want to. Years from now if all is done, you’ll realize how big of a deal it isn’t and life just goes on. Trust me, you’re not missing out on anything (and my nickname was “prude” in high school)… I know what it’s like to be on both sides of things.

The truth is everything comes with happiness. You’ll realize how little these things in life really are when you find your inner peace. You will start enjoying your life so much more that you won’t need a stamp of approval or reassurance for any of it. Of course, this all comes in time. Be patient with yourself…always.

Thanks for stopping by,

Suzy

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Seattle Trip Round-Up!

travel

In March I took a trip to Seattle for the first time. This was also the first time in a while that I went on a trip alone. Here’s how it went:

I got to Seattle at night, so the next day I got up early and walked to the Columbia Center. I also happened to walk 69 steps up the Columbia Center to raise awareness and funds for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society…that’s actually why I was in Seattle.

This was my view from the top!

Here I am with team captain and youtuber, Monica Church. She’s the reason I found out about The Big Climb. Monica did the climb last year and made vlogs of her training. She is really talented and her videos can really relate to you if you are a fellow millenial.

(She also has a main channel)

My hostel was by the Pike Place Market, so I walked by it a couple of times.

I met some awesome people through the climb who are from all over the USA.

We ate at Joey Kitchen…yes, it was delicious!

Saw this lovely guitar piece of art at the Pop Culture Museum!

Managed to get a picture of the Space Needle along with some other buildings.

This was my view from where I took that picture of the Space Needle. It is also where I had a peaceful setting to write this blog post.

 

Seattle was great and I’m glad I got to visit there at last. The climb was an amazing experience that I will talk about for a long time. It makes me feel good that I did something nice for a GREAT cause. I will definitely be back at it again next year.

 

Happy Weekend,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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How to find the job you WANT!

career, lifestyle

Give it up for adulthood everyone! If you’re looking for a new job or just graduated and need to get that money flowing… flowing? who says that. Also, with all the bills in this world that isn’t too easy. Anyways, I’ve got some tips that have helped me on my job search. I haven’t mentioned what I do on here, but I am a gymnastics coach. I have been coaching for many years so when it comes to my job, I’ve had some good luck based on my experience. However, I’ve had other jobs as well with little experience so I’ve gone through the job search ordeal as well. Here are a few things to get you started.

  1. Create and upload your resume on a job search engine: My go to and one of the most popular sites is Indeed. If you upload your resume, employers will be able to search for what they are looking for and you might just pop up! It makes it much easier if you are too busy to search and apply for jobs during the day. Don’t worry, they do block out personal information like your address. A more professional job search engine would be LinkedIn.This is like a professional profile you can make and connect with those in the industry you desire.
  2. Gain some EXPERIENCE: I decided a while back that school wasn’t for me. Of course depending on the route you want to take in life, school might be something you NEED for your future. Regardless, experience in your career preference is what most employers are looking for. This means you might have to settle with working for free. Volunteering is one way to gain that experience. There are so many places that offer volunteer hours now. You can even volunteer to do admin work with a company you might see yourself having a future with. Here is one website you can search opportunities on. If you are in school, try interning! Ask your professors if they recommend any internships or if they need help with anything in that field themselves.
  3. Network: This isn’t always easy and might seem a bit intimidating. Networking is one way to not only meet people in your industry, but gain knowledge from their path. Try to attend events within your field and don’t be afraid to mingle. Ask questions and find out if this really is something you want to pursue.
  4. Search online for some tips! Just like you are doing right now by reading this post, there are so many people willing to offer a helping hand. If you are interested in a few career paths, try searching on youtube for people who are in that industry. There are so many videos that give you an honest behind the scenes of what it takes to “make it”. It will be one way for you to test out if you should be continuing your current career choice.
  5. Be open to change: I’m sure by now you have heard that you’ve got to start from somewhere. Be flexible with your jobs and be willing to wear different hats. For example, I’ve been open to work at day cares and do admin work while coaching. This gives me more child care experience in a different environment, AND administrative experience that I can use in a different industry if willing. Don’t be afraid of change and remember that all good things do actually take time.

Best of luck to you on your job search. Remember to be patient with yourself. Everybody’s life is different so don’t compare yours with those around you.

 

Have a great week,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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This is what therapy is like: What to watch out for!

lifestyle, mental health

Therapy comes in different shapes and sizes. This is why it’s important to “shop around” and not lose hope. I’ve heard good experiences of therapy and bad experiences. I myself have had a bit of both. Here are a few questions I think someone who hasn’t tried therapy (or who has) would like answered.

[I am no expert and have no background in psychology. These are my opinions from a patients point of view.]

How do you find a therapist? 

If you are planning to go through insurance, most insurance plans have a search engine for professionals on there websites. I just searched online for my first therapist and got super lucky. Reviews will tell you a lot also…do your research!

How do you CHOOSE a therapist?

If able, the best time to make a decision on a therpist is when you have seen more than a one. You don’t want to settle for the first therapist you see unless you get a great vibe off of them and feel comfortable. I went back to my first therapist after I had seen a couple of other ones due to insurance. I knew she was my pick because I felt totally comfortable sharing things with her and I could tell she wasn’t after my money. If you’ve seen a couple then you can ultimately tell who would work best for you. I’ve been with casual/cool, more reserved, and bored therapists. Yes, bored…this brings me to the next question.

When is a therapist NOT a good fit?

If your therapist is constantly yawning during your session, please find a new one. If it’s one or two fine, but multiple and during every session is NOT a good sign.  You don’t want to seem like a chore for your therapist. They should be engaged and present during the conversations you share.

Is therapy expensive?

If you find someone who is in network with your provider than insurance should cover some if not all of your visit. If a therapist is out of network, you may still have a chance to get reimbursed per visit. My therapist isn’t covered with my insurance, but I decided to pay regardless because I think she is great and I wouldn’t want to see someone else. Also, most therapists provide a sliding scale. This means if money is tight, they may be willing to charge you less hourly than normal. It doesn’t hurt to ask!

I hope this is helpful to anyone who is seeking therapy or is in an uncertain situation with a therapist. I personally LOVE therapy and don’t view it as a chore. Being able to talk to someone who doesn’t judge and isn’t around you all the time makes me feel really confident with everything I say. To let it all out in a safe environment has many perks. Don’t be afraid to give it a try if you are hesitant.

Happy Weekend,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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10 Gift Ideas For Every Occasion!

lifestyle, Uncategorized

One thing to know about me is that I am obsessed with gift giving! The whole process of getting creative and searching for the perfect gift excites me. Usually we find ourselves giving gifts to the same people each year, so I found some ways to make gift giving a bit more interesting. I try to get gifts for people that mean something. For example, getting a gift relatable to a shared interest I have with a friend. If I have a friend who is obsessed with country music like I am then I get song lyrics printed on a shirt. Not only would my friend like the gift, but it’s more sentimental because it isn’t something I could give to everyone. My love for gifting has given me the drive to write this post. If you’d like some more ideas….keep scrolling.

  1. Concert/Event Tickets: Definitely my most favorite gift to give and the MOST memorable.
  2. Booking Activities: A day of horseback riding or wine and paint. Quality time can be a gift within itself.
  3. Pamper, Pamper, Pamper: Life is busy so a nice day at a spa can be much needed.
  4. Personalized Item: Like I mentioned above…a shirt with a favorite quote or lyric, a mug with an inside joke on it, and even some nice jewelry. Etsy can be GREAT!
  5. Beneficial Gifts: Is your friend moving or getting a new car? Get something that will help them out (even if that means a gift card to homegoods).
  6. DIY: When all else fails, do it yourself. A beautiful photo collage has the potential to bring tears to ones eyes. Here is an example from fellow blogger, Talia!
  7. Splurge on a trip: If you’re looking for an impressive gift for a big occasion, a trip away can be the thing for you. Again, life get’s busy and a break can be useful.
  8. Enroll in a class: Similar to activities, but think of what your friend is interested in and get them a class that can help. (ex: baking, pottery, instruments, & etc.)
  9. Surprises: Not everyone likes surprise parties, but if you surprised your friend at work to take them out to lunch, I’m sure they won’t mind. Deliveries are always nice too!
  10. Small goodies: A lot of a little is another favorite. What I mean is getting many small gifts that your friend likes. I’ve done car scents, candles, body sprays, and a gift card to their favorite coffee shop for example. All useful and can show how much you really know your friend.

I hope this was helpful if you made it this far. Let me know if you have any ideas you’d like to add on!

Best Wishes,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Life After An Eating Disorder.

mental health, Uncategorized

*Sensitive post about eating disorders*

Of course by “life after an eating disorder,” I mean working everyday to not act on my thoughts. I was thinking the other day how my eating disorder recovery isn’t perfect. There are times where I realize I’m not utilizing everything I learned in treatment. The coping skills can be used more and I’m not going to lie, I’ve skipped a meal here and there. The truth is when I say “skipped” I honestly mean just didn’t have time to eat or simply forgot. This brings me to the next conclusion I came to. When I was thinking about recovery I found out that I don’t purposely act on behaviors like I used to. Like before if I skipped a meal it was because the voice in my head told me to. This is when I realized the moment I knew I was slowly healing was when my eating disorder stopped taking over my life. I no longer let ED thoughts take over my mind and control my every move. I find happiness in other things now besides through the way I look. I believe in life after an eating disorder. I believe that one can fully recover. Am I fully recovered? No, and I think it will be a while until I am. However, now I’m willing to put in the work to get there.

 

Love yourself first,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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