My Biggest Fear…

Happy, sad, confused, excited, angry, and scared. As humans we feel it all. Despite feeling it all, we sometimes don’t like to show our emotions or even talk about them. I recently watched a Zoella vlog that opened up a conversation about her greatest fear. I think this is a great topic to bring up. It’s nice to be reminded that being unsure is a part of life. Not having it all together right now or ever is completely fine and actually normal. It is okay not to be okay.

For a big chunk of my life I have dealt with mental disorders and now physical as well. Being constantly surrounded by these issues day after day it was pretty hard for me to be scared of anything. I had to get thick skin from a young age. Now I’ve realized that there might be a few things I’m scared of, even if I am scared to admit it. Well, I guess that’s the first one. I don’t like to admit weakness because weakness scares me. We can’t be strong all the time because if we could that would mean we are capable of handling any situation, but we can’t.

Another fear of mine has to do with more of my future. For a while I’ve known that I want to be a mother. Now, I don’t think that’s the ONLY thing I’m meant to be or do. I’ve just always loved the idea of being a parent and I think I would be pretty good at it. I guess I’m just scared of not having a kid of my own. What if I don’t meet someone I can start a family with? I know there are always other options. I just don’t want to live my life with “what ifs”.

Lastly, I’m scared planning too much that I never live in the moment. It’s easy to look back at the past year and ask myself why I didn’t just enjoy the moments for what they were. My brain seems to be focusing on other things and doesn’t give me the chance to enjoy my life for what it is sometimes. One of my goals is to just worry about now or even better, enjoy what is now.

Do you have a greatest fear? Let’s not be scared to talk about the hard stuff.

Thanks for stopping by,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]



What they should teach you in school.

The other day I was a bit frustrated because of my ADD. I guess the frustration comes from thinking I’m dumb if I can’t figure something out or how to communicate things correctly. When your mind is all over the place and feels like it’s about to explode it’s quite an annoying situation. I got to thinking about all the other times I struggled with this before I even knew I had it.

I got reminded of school. School was definitely my weak spot. I absolutely hated it. Then, I thought it’s just not my thing and that’s ok. Now, I know my ADD played a big role in my hate towards it. Don’t get me wrong I’m still not a school person and think life is the most valuable teaching method. However, I think I could’ve tried more had I known I had ADD. I just don’t think it’s fair for students to be put down if it takes them a little longer to get something. I felt so stupid by not only those around me, but my teachers as well. This is why I think mental health should be it’s own subject in schools.

Mental health is very common and now people are more open to speaking about it. I took psychiatry in high school but that isn’t enough. It didn’t get to the nitty gritty of it all. There are so many teens who deal with things they are to embarrassed to bring up because their peers might judge them for it. There are also students who might feel stupid because their teachers are punishing them for not understanding a lesson instead of explaining it again. And I KNOW there are those who don’t even know they have a mental illness and make themselves feel bad about not getting the grade they wanted. If there was a class dedicated to mental health it would help people understand it more and maybe realize they might even have a mental disorder. It wouldn’t be shameful to talk about it. It would not only be educational, but it would teach kids about the reality of life. School should be preparing you for what life is actually like ahead after all.

Have a good weekend,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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*image from Canva*

An Invisible Illness.

Dysautonomia: An umbrella term used to describe several different medical conditions that cause a malfunction of the Autonomic Nervous System.

Almost two years ago I noticed a big change in my health. The smallest everyday things became the hardest. Going up the stairs in my house was exhausting and standing up made everything around me go blank. There were a lot of times I thought I was going to faint. Along with that came many more strange symptoms. My hands were feeling nub and felt like pins and needles. A few months later my heart was racing so fast to the point that I was feeling nauseous. I made two trip to the ER in a couple of weeks and they put an IV in me in. Not knowing what was wrong I went to a cardiologist who had me wear a heart monitor. He noticed my heart was racing throughout the whole day and put me on medication for it to slow down. Although nobody could tell me what was wrong I knew something wasn’t right. I went to several different doctors this past year to try to get to the bottom of it. My blood work kept coming back normal which made it even harder to get a diagnosis. All i did was look up my symptoms online to see if I can try to get to the bottom of it since nothing was helping. It was a little scary to think of all the thing it might be.

A few months ago I went to a rheumatologist who then referred me to a neurologist. At last there was a name to go with all the symptoms had been feeling…. dysautonomia. I had never heard of this and it never came up during my internet searches. I have the form of dysautonomia called POTS. This means I have a fast heart rate and my blood pressure drops when I stand up. So pretty much I have a lot of adrenaline in me and my body is just trying to catch up. See, the autonomic nervous system controls all the things your body does naturally. Like adjusting to temperature change, your heart pumping faster when you’re exercising, and so on. You know, the things you don’t have to think about. My body however, no longer knows how to control all of that. As much as I hate that I have this, finally having a name for all of this has given me a sense of relief.

Trying to figure all of this out was really stressful. I saw so many doctors and nobody knew what was going on. This doesn’t mean they were bad, but they just couldn’t put it all together. Plus, insurance is a whole other story. Trying to get approval to have some tests done can be a nightmare. I’m just glad that I relied on my gut feeling to keep me searching for the answer to this. I guess the reason I’m writing this blog post isn’t to just inform people on dysautonomia, but it is to let me know that following your instinct as oppose to listening to other doesn’t make your symptoms less valid. You know your body better than anyone else. There are going to be people telling you it’s all in your head, but don’t listen and keep moving forward.

To anyone who has an “invisible illness” or any sort of illness… You are already so strong for putting up with it, and your story is VALID.

Wishing you a GREAT week,
Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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What I like to collect when traveling.

Happy Friday Everyone! (actually i work a 12 hour day on Saturdays so Fridays aren’t so happy). Anyways, I thought I would continue the travel theme this week and share something that I make sure to get on every trip. It’s always nice certain things that will remind you of a great time. Traveling can also be quite expensive, but if your looking for a souvenir for yourself I have an inexpensive way of going about. I simply love collecting POSTCARDS.

I feel like postcards can be displayed around your home where you can always see it and be reminded of that win trip last summer. I typically get postcards from places that I actually enjoyed visiting. I mean I don’t want to be reminded of how I lost my wallet at a train station (that never happened). What I love about postcards is that they have something on them that symbolizes the destination. They can also be a great gift for someone else if you actually use it as a postcard…I wonder if people still do that?

If there is something you like to collect from trips, let me know!

Have a great weekend,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Avoid these travel mistakes.

I’m totally not writing this because I made a stupid mistake while traveling last week. Nope, not me! Don’t worry I have saved you the trouble though. Take it from me and be aware of these travel mistakes.

  • Basic Economy: I don’t know if this is a new thing, but the first time I dealt with this didn’t go too well. When I bought my ticket I wasn’t aware basic economy is different than economy. Turns out basic economy is cheaper, BUT non refundable. This also means if your flight is delayed you can’t get your money back and try to switch to another airline. I took United when I got this and I wasn’t able to take a carry on so I had to pay to check my bag in. Point is… if you get a basic economy, make sure you are completely cool with waiting for a delayed flight in case that ever happens.
  • Small vs big airport: A smaller airport might be easy to get in and out from, but a smaller airport means more restrictions. One of them  being less flight options. There aren’t many times to choose from when you are scheduling a flight. If your flight get delayed or canceled you might have to fly out of a different airport or just wait a while until the next one. Smaller airports also tend to be pricier. Flying out from an international airport includes better deals, but you would just have to accept longer security lines and traffic jams (depending on where you are).
  • If money is tight, find a cheaper alternative than a hotel: Airbnb is all the rage these days. You can find one in a nice area that is not a 3 figure per night cost. People also leave plenty of reviews that will help narrow your choice.
  • Staying in Downtown isn’t always the best option: Just because a hotel is located in downtown that doesn’t mean it is where you want to be. Do your research and see what parts of town seem like a better fit for you. Most downtown’s can be quite sketchy honestly, so that might not be the best option for everyone. There might be other parts of town that have more of the things you’re interested in seeing. Just because somewhere is labeled as downtown, that doesn’t make it interesting and the only part worth seeing.

I hope my mistakes help keep you from making them. I love travelling, but I know some little things can go wrong and become even bigger things. Wish you the best of luck on your travels and STAY SAFE!

Have a good week,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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How To Be Productive!

Being 24, I realized I’m getting to that age where I NEED to start sorting things out. Not that everyone at this age needs to be, but with me getting older means I have a lot of new responsibilities I didn’t before. From bills to savings to health issues. I need to keep it all in order. By doing this I needed to make a lifestyle change and simply start getting shit done. It’s not always easy to get motivate to work, bur here are  few things that help keep me in check.

*Starting the day off with physical activity: I’ve made it a goal of mine to go hiking every weekday morning I am able to. This has helped me tremendously. I get up early, I get a nice work out in, and after I’m left with more energy to run errands and sort my life out.

* Getting a planner: Yes, we were forced to have these things in school that we just wrote our weekend plans and friends birthdays in. In adulthood however, they are much more useful. Getting in a habit of writing in it and checking it takes some time, but it really is a great motivator. I wrote a more thorough post about my planner earlier this year.

*Having a “get shit done” day: This means on your day off you make a list of all the calls you’ve been avoiding (Dr’s, Therapist, Bills, etc.) and actually CALLING. Also, using this day to play loud music as you clean the mess you’ve accumulated throughout the week. Another difficult task not to avoid… paying them bills. Yes, this means playing catch up and paying for any upcoming bills before you forget.

*Planning a pamper day: I know this seems not as important as the other things mentioned, but sometimes feeling your best is the BEST motivator. I know when I feel good I feel like I (sort of) have my life together.

Let’s just make the best of this year all, and remember the most important thing is that you move at your own pace when it comes to life.

Happy Weekend,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Reality of Eating Disorders.

In case you haven’t heard, this week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Having dealt with an eating disorder for 10 years I really would like to write about this topic. Lately, eating disorders are being talked about a lot more which is great, but there are still some things people might not understand. I don’t resent people who don’t get what having one is like and might say things they don’t know much about. It is easy to get upset, but I guess you don’t really know what it’s like until you have one or maybe know someone who has one. This doesn’t mean saying hurtful things is ok. I myself have gotten into arguments with people who are rude and arrogant about the situation. This brings me to some of the parts of an ED I would like to discuss.

  • An ED is a lonely disease. Nobody who has an eating disorder is asking for attention by having one. In fact, most of the time they don’t want attention. I don’t want someone to tell me I look good or bad or need to take care of myself. The only acceptance we are trying to gain most of the time is our own.
  • Just because someone doesn’t look sick doesn’t mean they aren’t. This one I really can relate to. I went a whole 10 years with an ED and it was only within my 9th year did I think I had a problem. I was always healthy looking minus a few months when I was a gymnast and dieting. I knew I had a strange relationship with food, but never did I think I had an actual ED. Simply because I thought I had to be relatively thin and unhealthy. However, my blood work was always great and my body looked healthy. Point being… just because someone might look a certain way on the outside, it doesn’t mean everything is fine on the inside.
  • An ED takes time. Forcing one to get better usually doesn’t work. Someone with an ED will benefit from treatment when they WANT to get better. Also, just because someone goes into treatment doesn’t mean they are instantly better. Even after treatment, there is still work to be done.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, NEDA has a few resources to help you out:

Don’t give up on healing,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Country Songs With A Message.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a country music geek. Anything from old school to new school to pop/country… I’m there. Lately, I’ve been listening to a few songs in country that I can’t help but relate to. See, country music is pure, honest, and unapologetic. It’s not just about the melody, but it is about the words. Regardless if you are a fan or not, I’m sure there is a song that will lyrically catch your attention. These are a few I think are worth mentioning in the hopes someone will be able to identify with.

Follow Your Arrow– Kacey Musgraves: A song that’s honest and telling you to be honest with yourself. Pave your own path in life and do what you want.

In Between– Kelsea Ballerini: If there is a song for the “millenial’s” this is it. If you’re wondering what your 20’s will be like, this will give you the answer.

Female– Keith Urban: A very fitting song with everything going on now as far as gender roles. Keith Urban does a great way of putting thoughts about this topic into words with this song.

Humble and Kind– Tim McGraw: If there is something I live by, it is kindness. I find it unnecessary for people to put themselves above other and this song speaks the truth to anyone who might need a reminder.

Writing this post just makes me want to go on a country music playlist binge. Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend!!!

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Concert Ticket Tips!

There are a few things I absolutely love and get the most joy doing in this world. With all the things we have to put up with it’s nice to take some time and just enjoy the things we love. There is one thing that I try to make the time for and have found to be the most helpful with forgetting about life stresses temporarily.


This is by far my favorite “hobby” to have. The second I turned 18 and was working a job with no bills to pay, most of my money just went to concerts. My first year out of high school just meant I had time to do things that I wish I had the time more before. I decided to take full advantage and don’t regret it one bit. There is something about the energy at concerts that just make me happy. Everyone there is usually there to just have a good time and that vibe definitely comes off. You then get 2 1/2 hours of music and who doesn’t like music??? The only way I can describe shows are magic.

Sometimes going to a show isn’t the easiest task. I mean especially if you’re a fan of the worlds most popular artists. This means shows will most likely be sold out before you get a chance to get tickets. I’ve gone through this before, so there are quite a few tips I’ve picked up these past few years.

Always check for more tickets to a sold out show a couple weeks before: If you really want to go to a popular show and it ends up getting sold out, don’t give up. Once upon a time I wanted tickets to the Taylor Swift Speak Now tour which of course ended up being sold out. I checked for tickets two weeks before and turns out more tickets were released and I ended up getting really good seats at a reasonable price.

StubHub is a great way to find sold out show tickets:  Of course to be used at your own risk Stubhub is another way to get ticket that might be gone. It is a resale site so people are always trying to get more than what they paid for the ticket. This is why you always have to wait until the week of the concert or even day of when people get desperate and start lowering price. Depending on the artist you might not always have the best of luck, but this is what I usually end up doing and so far I haven’t had more of an issue than just paying extra for a ticket. But, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

Center seats aren’t always the best seats: Despite these being the priciest tickets just because they are “center seats” they aren’t always the best choice. From my experience a side view is usually the best view. Side seats are tilted which means you get a better view of the stage where center seats are frustrating if someone taller than you is in the row in front of you. Sometimes side seating is closer to the stage too as it’s higher (if that makes sense). Center seats in the middle or far back rows are definitely not as close as you would think. Lately I’ve simply been just been skipping the center sections.

If concerts are your thing like they are for me, I hope these little tips/tricks will make your experience a bit better. Let me know if you have any advice and if there is a certain performer(s) you think is worth seeing!

Have a great week,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

(P.S. that’s Sam Hunt pictured up there… who I got to see last year)

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The Truth About Treatment.

In a couple of weeks it is going to be eating disorder awareness week. There are a couple of stories I want to share about my experience with an ED and this seems like a good time. A big component of an eating disorder is not only being diagnosed with one, but being treated for one. I guess some would think someone with an ED will sit here and tell you how terrible treatment is and nobody understands, but now being in recovery, I couldn’t be more grateful for an amazing experience.

After 10 years with an ED it got to the point where my life was being controlled by it. My mood was all over the place and it was very clear I needed help. My therapist confronted me about the ED and told me to put myself in treatment. Due to certain circumstances, it was up to me to look after myself. I knew I couldn’t continue living this lifestyle and admitted into treatment a short month later. I started off in outpatient treatment. This meant I spent 4 hours a day there. If I had it my way I would’ve liked to have been there longer. There were bills I had to pay so I wasn’t able to take time off work. You see, my father didn’t know I was in treatment so I wasn’t able to just ask him for money and leave my job. After a couple of weeks I hadn’t seen much improvement. Actually, the first two weeks were quite stressful for me and I spent most of my days having ED behaviors once I got home. I was told that I would need to be put into PHP (partial hospitalization program) in order to progress in my recovery. I knew this was what I needed, but I also knew taking time off work would back me into a corner. Let’s just say insurance has a funny way of working and one night I got a call that I would need to start PHP the following morning or I had a chance of not getting this opportunity back in the future. My insurance company was giving me this one chance.

Although this time was difficult I was lucky enough to have a work environment that was really supportive and allowed me to get the next day off and start treatment. PHP meant I would have to be there from 11-6 and eat multiple meals. My first day was stressful to say the least as it was just sprung on me. I pre-planned my finances because I knew this next month and a half was going to be focused on mainly my recovery. By the time the days were over at treatment it felt like I had worked a full day shift. Treatment is a lot of work and this means that some days you will be using a lot of energy. Going into PHP was the best decision I made for my recovery. All day I was surrounded by people who understood what I was going through. There was no judgment. It was nice to be in an environment I knew people in my daily life would not get. Honestly, it just felt good to be separated by reality in some ways.

My final two weeks in treatment were a bit all over the place emotionally. I was scared to leave when I found out that day was approaching. I didn’t want to go back to typical life stresses. I certainly was scared to spend more time around people without an eating disorder. Then something strange happened. A week prior to my discharge I realized how much things had changed. The conversations we had in treatment were getting more difficult because I healed in some aspects of it that I no longer could relate to. I wanted to get better and slowly I did. The time I realized I was healing was when I told myself “I want to leave.” That was unexpected, but I knew it was time. My final day was calming and almost felt like the last day of school. I was in high spirits and thankful. Although everyone in treatment has a final day, that doesn’t necessarily mean recovery is over.

Maybe recovery is for the rest of our lives. Maybe there will be a time where the ED is no longer present. Regardless of the outcome, I do not regret one bit for taking the time I needed for this illness. There is no day in recovery I would take away if it meant feeling the way I did when my ED was active. If there is one thing I learned in treatment…. You need to WANT this for yourself. If you don’t want it maybe it isn’t your time. I do believe that everyone’s time WILL come though. Never give up hope. It took me 10 years to find it.

Thank you for stopping by,

-Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Thing you can do all on your own.

There are a few things that give you major independence in this world. Moving out, learning to drive, making your own money, but what about doing things alone? In a past blog I talked about how I traveled alone and although that might not be for everyone, it definitely taught me to be on my own. It’s not necessary to go to that extent, but doing things by yourself can be the most liberating, sometimes uncomfortable, but most rewarding time. There are a few activities I think will be exciting to try alone.

  • Going to a concert
  • Traveling (I know I already mentioned)
  • Working out (You get to stop whenever you’d like)
  • Going out for a cup of coffee
  • Shopping
  • Seeing a movie
  • Visiting a museum
  • Going to a restaurant (intimidating? yes. Most of the time it’s in our head though)

Of course with anything you do alone, always stay as safe as possible. Take your phone and make sure it’s charged! It might sound dramatic, but let someone know where you are going. Lastly, if you are working out make sure you take some water with you and try not to go to a secluded area.

Remember, independence isn’t selfish. Own who you are.


Have a great week!

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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