Eating disorders are MORE than just a NUMBER.

mental health, Uncategorized

*There may be some sensitive content for some viewers. Information/details on eating disorders.*

I dealt with an eating disorder for 10 years. Most of the time I had disordered eating patterns, but all of the time I had body image issues. I know people who haven’t experienced an eating disorder or recovery may think that it all just revolves around the number. The more weight you lose the worse your disorder actually is. In fact, this is why I didn’t think I had an eating disorder until my 10th year of dealing with it. I’m glad there is more talk on mental health so I would like to just touch up on some things that may come along with an eating disorder.

  • It is a mental health issue: This isn’t just a physical problem. There is a chemical imbalance in ones brain which causes them to think and feel different. Of course this then can lead to physical problems. Some of which include an unhealthy weight, poor dental hygiene, bone issues, heart issues, and etc.
    • Body dysmorphia is part of an eating disorder: The way one thinks about themselves is very important to identifying an eating disorder. I personally pictured myself very different in my head compared to how I really looked in person. It can also be an obsession with physical experience that can take up most of a persons time.
    • There are many different types of an eating disorder: Speaking from my own experience, I had binge eating disorder. What this meant is that I would spend days not eating full meals and then decided to eating everything in site in one day. Along with this I had obsessive thoughts about my appearance.
    • You don’t have to be at a certain weight to have an eating disorder: Everybody’s body is different. This means everyone will have a healthy body weight that may not be the same as the person next to them. My weight fluctuated a lot, but I was never really thin or really overweight. I looked healthy so I thought I was. This is what I meant by it being a mental illness. Just because someone doesn’t look sick doesn’t mean they aren’t.

    I hope this gives a little insight on eating disorders. Please feel free to share your own thoughts or anything I might’ve left out in the comments below. If you or anyone you know might be suffering with an eating disorder, check out the website below for some more information:

    National Eating Disorders Association

    Thank you for reading,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Two days in a new city. (I MOVED OUT!)

    lifestyle

    Like I mentioned in previous posts, I decided to move from Los Angeles, CA to Nashville, TN. I have been here for about 2 1/2 days doing the whole job hunting/apartment hunting craze. It was great when I first got here because I was just excited to even be here. Now…I’m starting to lose my cool.

    This is my first time being on my own so having to deal with rent to income ratio is STRESSING ME OUT. I’m in a new city trying to figure it all out, but I know I never will. After visiting a couple of places and making sure they are close proximity to some potential jobs makes it that much more challenging. I’ve been here before, but I guess I never realized how spread out things really are. I’m trying to sort this all out without running back home crying that I couldn’t do it. What makes it harder is that my mom is here with me so I feel like I almost need to validate why I CAN do this.

    After viewing a few places and almost deciding on a job, I have decided to lower my rent budget a bit and look at surrounding areas as well. My “job” is in a different town so I feel like being a bit more flexible with my options will be a lot more helpful. I just need to remind myself that everything is temporary and if I don’t like a certain apartment, I don’t have to be there forever. It’s hard adjusting to a new place so far from home, but I am still excited for what’s yet to come. (And a little terrified).

    Have a good rest of the week,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Things I say to help me get through the day.

    mental health, Uncategorized

    Wow life is catching up and it’s been hard getting these blog posts up. Hopefully once a week isn’t too bad for now. I’ll have a lot of traveling pictures up here pretty soon since I’m moving THIS WEEK! Anyways, I wanted to share some things that help me get through the rough moments of life that I’ve learned these past couple of years. Hope this helps you out if you need a little extra boost.

    “Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full.”

    This is something my dietician told me in treatment for my eating disorder. It may seem like common sense to most, but for someone with a bad relationship with food it can make the world of difference.

    “I let go of all the lies I tell myself.”

    I like this saying so much that I got it tattooed on me. It’s nice reminder when I’m busy looking at myself in the mirror trying to find as many “imperfections” as I can.

    “This is just temporary.”

    I think one of the hardest parts of the 20s is that we like to compare ourselves to everyone else. We think where we are now in life is forever, but it isn’t. If you need to work those 3 jobs to make your way to a career you will one day have, do it!

    “A picture can lie.”

    Sticking with the comparison issue that seems to be rising, we are all aware of the impact of social media. A picture is just a highlight of someone’s day, it isn’t their everyday.

    I hope this gives you a little mid week boost. Best of luck with your day or night. I’ll be doing my best to update regularly on here as I’m in the midst of moving. Follow if you’d like to keep up with the move!

    Thanks for stopping by,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Why I’m leaving LA.

    lifestyle, mental health

    In case you haven’t heard, it’s Mental Health Awareness week. You might wonder what any of this has to do with the post title. Well, surprisingly it has a lot to do with it.

    I was born and raised in a suburb in Los Angeles, CA. Now a days it’s pretty hard to call anywhere a suburb around here. I love where I grew up. The great thing is I was close enough to all the great things you’re exposed to in LA, but still able to enjoy quiet neighborhoods around people you grow up with. Being 24 now, I’ve had the privledgr of enjoying my early 20’s in a city filled with things to do at all hours. Now that I’ve had my fun, I’ve realized that it’s time for me to leave this place. Just because I’m still young it doesn’t mean I need to be in a big city going out all the time. An age is just a number and you should never feel like you HAVE to live your life a certain way.

    When I was 19 I got diagnosed with OCD and since then I’ve had an eating disorder and som physical health issues. These past few years have been a struggle trying to not stress over daily life. I’ve always been attracted to quiet towns with nature and good old mannerisms. Since I was younger, living in the south has been a dream of mine. About a year ago I decided I was not happy and it was time for me to put my health first. This is when I made it a plan and goal to move. Since then I have been working extremely hard trying to get out of here to save my sanity. As grateful as I am for this city, I still hold a lot of resentment towards it. A lot of my anger and stress doesn’t get better when I am sitting in traffic or living with my family because trying to get a place out here is just ridiculous and not worth it. I’m definitely not the person who is willing to live with roommates. I need my space and I need a small city that doesn’t take over an hour to get across. It’s time for me to make a change.

    Since I decided to leave (which will be in a few weeks), I have gotten some positive responses and some negative. People really want to tear you down just because they might not get your decisions or when they are simply too afraid to do things themselves. I’ve decided to only listen to positive people and mainly just listen to myself. This is something I want to do and nothing anybody says will change that. I know what’s best for my happiness. Don’t forget that YOU MATTER. Your health relies so much on your happiness so please take care of yourself. Put yourself first. There is nothing wrong with that.

    Thank you for reading. I hope you will follow my moving journey with me. I will be posting about my road trip and moving into my first apartment by myself. Follow if you’d like to keep up.

    Until next time,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    An Invisible Illness.

    health, lifestyle, Uncategorized

    Dysautonomia: An umbrella term used to describe several different medical conditions that cause a malfunction of the Autonomic Nervous System.

    Almost two years ago I noticed a big change in my health. The smallest everyday things became the hardest. Going up the stairs in my house was exhausting and standing up made everything around me go blank. There were a lot of times I thought I was going to faint. Along with that came many more strange symptoms. My hands were feeling nub and felt like pins and needles. A few months later my heart was racing so fast to the point that I was feeling nauseous. I made two trip to the ER in a couple of weeks and they put an IV in me in. Not knowing what was wrong I went to a cardiologist who had me wear a heart monitor. He noticed my heart was racing throughout the whole day and put me on medication for it to slow down. Although nobody could tell me what was wrong I knew something wasn’t right. I went to several different doctors this past year to try to get to the bottom of it. My blood work kept coming back normal which made it even harder to get a diagnosis. All i did was look up my symptoms online to see if I can try to get to the bottom of it since nothing was helping. It was a little scary to think of all the thing it might be.

    A few months ago I went to a rheumatologist who then referred me to a neurologist. At last there was a name to go with all the symptoms had been feeling…. dysautonomia. I had never heard of this and it never came up during my internet searches. I have the form of dysautonomia called POTS. This means I have a fast heart rate and my blood pressure drops when I stand up. So pretty much I have a lot of adrenaline in me and my body is just trying to catch up. See, the autonomic nervous system controls all the things your body does naturally. Like adjusting to temperature change, your heart pumping faster when you’re exercising, and so on. You know, the things you don’t have to think about. My body however, no longer knows how to control all of that. As much as I hate that I have this, finally having a name for all of this has given me a sense of relief.

    Trying to figure all of this out was really stressful. I saw so many doctors and nobody knew what was going on. This doesn’t mean they were bad, but they just couldn’t put it all together. Plus, insurance is a whole other story. Trying to get approval to have some tests done can be a nightmare. I’m just glad that I relied on my gut feeling to keep me searching for the answer to this. I guess the reason I’m writing this blog post isn’t to just inform people on dysautonomia, but it is to let me know that following your instinct as oppose to listening to other doesn’t make your symptoms less valid. You know your body better than anyone else. There are going to be people telling you it’s all in your head, but don’t listen and keep moving forward.

    To anyone who has an “invisible illness” or any sort of illness… You are already so strong for putting up with it, and your story is VALID.

    Wishing you a GREAT week,
    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    What Those With Mental Illnesses Want You to Know.

    health, Uncategorized

    It’s crazy to even have to say this. In a world where some mental and physical illnesses are being ignored, it is so important to get the word out there about serious conditions. It just doesn’t seem fair to stay quiet because of what other people will think or because a subject is taboo. The only way to start accepting things and taking them seriously is by talking about them. By listening and showing compassion. No stranger to mental disorders, I’ve decided to write this post. I’m not ONLY writing this for others struggling, but for people who know someone with an illness and aren’t sure how to react. Here are a few things we’d like you to know.

    1. I don’t want you to relate, I want you to listen.

    2. I’m not expecting sympathy, I’m just tired of being looked at like I’m making it up.

    3. It’s not all in my head. It feels like I’ve lost control of everything.

    4. What I have is a health condition. There is a lot of science that backs it up. I cannot help the chemical imbalances in my brain.

    5. I DO NOT WANT THIS FOR MYSELF. Please, don’t tell me I’m making it up because I WANT something to be wrong with me

    I guess everyone deals with mental disorders a bit different. It’s really hard to express yourself when nobody believes you. We understand that you don’t really know how someone feels unless you are in their shoes. This doesn’t mean you can’t just listen and accept the situation for what it is. It was hard for me to accept this at first too, but when I realized there’s nothing I can do to go back and change it… that’s when I knew it was real. Despite the frustration and confusion, I do not and will not ever wish a mental disorder on even my worst enemy.

    Thank you for reading,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    My Biggest Fear…

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    Happy, sad, confused, excited, angry, and scared. As humans we feel it all. Despite feeling it all, we sometimes don’t like to show our emotions or even talk about them. I recently watched a Zoella vlog that opened up a conversation about her greatest fear. I think this is a great topic to bring up. It’s nice to be reminded that being unsure is a part of life. Not having it all together right now or ever is completely fine and actually normal. It is okay not to be okay.

    For a big chunk of my life I have dealt with mental disorders and now physical as well. Being constantly surrounded by these issues day after day it was pretty hard for me to be scared of anything. I had to get thick skin from a young age. Now I’ve realized that there might be a few things I’m scared of, even if I am scared to admit it. Well, I guess that’s the first one. I don’t like to admit weakness because weakness scares me. We can’t be strong all the time because if we could that would mean we are capable of handling any situation, but we can’t.

    Another fear of mine has to do with more of my future. For a while I’ve known that I want to be a mother. Now, I don’t think that’s the ONLY thing I’m meant to be or do. I’ve just always loved the idea of being a parent and I think I would be pretty good at it. I guess I’m just scared of not having a kid of my own. What if I don’t meet someone I can start a family with? I know there are always other options. I just don’t want to live my life with “what ifs”.

    Lastly, I’m scared planning too much that I never live in the moment. It’s easy to look back at the past year and ask myself why I didn’t just enjoy the moments for what they were. My brain seems to be focusing on other things and doesn’t give me the chance to enjoy my life for what it is sometimes. One of my goals is to just worry about now or even better, enjoy what is now.

    Do you have a greatest fear? Let’s not be scared to talk about the hard stuff.

    Thanks for stopping by,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    5 simple ways to BE KIND.

    Uncategorized


    Let’s be real… it’s not hard to be a good person. I feel like in this world especially, people are discouraged to be kind because everything has a “negative” motive to it. Personally, I don’t think everything and anything even has a motive. 
    I’m trying to do this thing where spreading kindness is part of my daily routine. Honestly, it’s just pretty natural at this point. At first it was a little daunting to compliment people I didn’t even know, but there’s nothing nerve wrecking about it. Nobody is going to get mad at you for being nice to them. 

    Here’s a few way to spread the love.

    1. Compliment: If you like the way someone is dressed or there’s something about their personality that inspires you, TELL THEM! You might just make that persons day. I know when I get compliments it makes me very happy inside, especially if I’m having a bad day. 
    2. Text a friend something nice: I’ve found that getting nice texts are quite rewarding in itself, but sending one is quite rewarding as well. Sometimes I just write a simple “love you” or “thank you for being there”. It’s just my way of showing appreciation to those in my life. 
    3. Tip or pay for someone else: I know money isn’t everything, but picking up the tab for someone is quite a sweet gesture. It doesn’t even need to be paying for someone but even providing a great tip or any tip for others is quite helpful. I’ve been tipped $1 before, but I don’t even work a job where we get tipped so even that dollar made me feel like I must’ve been doing something good.
    4. Do something for free: Similar, yet different than the one before. One thing I find that helps people out is offering a hand when times are rough. This could be watching someone’s pet for free or running an errand without expecting something in return. Life is unexpectant so it doesn’t hurt to make someone’s day a bit easier. 
    5. Write a nice comment: Social media has taken over and we all know this. I think instead of using it negatively which is done way too often, it should be used positively. Writing a nice comment under someone pictures regardless if you speak to them regularly can really improve their mood. People don’t expect nice things to be told to them all the time so if you can make someone day by just typing up a couple of nice words then why not?

    Kindness is important to me. I think it’s important to work together to spread positivity and respect one another. 

    Let me know in the comments below if there is something that you like to do to spread this message. 

    Thank you for reading,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Let The Resolutions Begin.

    lifestyle


    Believe it or not, it’s almost 2018 folks! I haven’t really been a resolution type of person lately. The last time I made resolutions was 4 years ago when I wrote them down and put them in a jar. A year later I opened it up and realized I had achieved almost ALL of my resolutions. I don’t know why I stopped. Maybe life just. got in the way. Now, I’m ready to set up some goals again, but realistic and without the pressure that comes with having a resolution. Here are a few things I hope to accomplish and will definitely be blogging my steps to accomplishing them! 

    1. Move to Nashville, TN: My most important goal has to be number one. I need to move to the place I feel the most at home. I’ve wanted this for so long and have taken the first few steps to get there (will blog about). 
    2. Start online classes: Scool is NOT my thing. I’ve always wanted to have my own gymnastics facility which you really don’t need school. However, I do want to learn and experience some other skills. This is why I’m turning to online courses.
    3. Pay off at least one credit card bill: Probably my most adult goal of next year. I feel like this will be pretty doable… hopefully.
    4. More self care: These past few months have been pretty tough. You know, just been busy with life. I haven’t been doing too well with looking after myself. Saying that, I’m going to take the initiative and take time for the little things in life. 

    These are my goals so far for next year. I’ll be blogging my journey to at least TRY to make these happen. Best of luck to you for your new year goals! 
    Until Next Time,

    Suzy [Fragile, yet fearless]

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    What’s wrong with me?!

    lifestyle

    Recently I decided to quit my job as I physically and mentally just can’t do it anymore. There are more reasons why I left, but those being the obvious. I have been a gymnastics coach for years now and this past year my body has been acting strange, aching, and hurting. My wrists have been a mess which has caused me to take a step back from my job. Other than that I’ve had a lot of strange symptoms like rapid heart beats, fatigue, getting light headed, and muscle weakness. I’ve gone to the doctor plenty of times and I’m slowly starting to get some tests done. I’ve made an appointment with a rheumatologist in December so hopefully that’ll give me some answers. This is has put a hold on a lot of things. I’m just too tired most of the time to stay productive. That’s mainly why I’m ready to figure out what’s going on!

    I quit my job without having another, but right now my patience just isn’t enough to be working with kids. It’s time for me to move on for a bit and find something else until I figure everything out. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing as I have a lot of bills to pay, but everything happens for a reason right? 
    Happy Thursday! 

    -Suzy [Fragile, yet fearless]

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