This time a longer temporary move back home. The plan is to be here for another year and then officially move out FOR GOOD. After the last couple of tries, I am dedicated to make it happen in this next chapter.
Moving out of state was hard. Knowing absolutely no one and trying to make ends meet. The first time, I freaked out. Reality set in and I was really hard on myself. I cried for days and decided it was rushed. Moving back, I thought I would give other locations a try. My heart kept telling me Nashville was the place I needed to be. After spending a couple of months back home I decided to give it another go. Let’s just say finances weren’t on my side and I needed to make a realistic decision.
After working for a week and expecting to make it okay. I started to think about my future. By future, I meant my 30’s. The truth is I didn’t want to be a 30 year old in debt from credit cards that I spent too much on. Staying in Nashville meant using my credit the first couple of months as I had not saved up enough. Although I was desperate to move out due to a rocky home life, it wasn’t the best timing. I thought if I could live rent free for another year and pay off some debt, why not?
Almost two months later from returning and I’ve realized some old habits have come back to haunt me. Being home and just in this city in general gets me in a bad mood. I get angry a lot and have been feeling that sense of fight or flight again. This has made me take extra measures to stay away from old behaviors. Having the ability to take care of myself helps quite a bit. If I had to work all day to pay rent I know I wouldn’t have that chance.
Being at home isn’t the easiest, but it is the best thing for me at this point in my life. I think it’s important to stop comparing myself to others and just do what’s best for my future and PRESENT. That was the hardest thing to accept during this whole process.
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Thanks for sticking around,
Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]