I moved back and stopped comparing myself to others.

social media, Uncategorized

This past summer I wrote about moving out of state and moving back (twice). Moving back because I felt like I was rushing and not as financially stable as I could’ve been.

A lot of it is comparing myself to other 25 year olds and thinking:

“If I don’t do this, how am I an adult.”

“Why is my life going at such a slow pace?”

And then reality hit and I realized if I have to come home for another year just so I can have a positive experience next time around, I’m up for it.

This mean I had to be willing to work and work some more. Stop caring where I am career wise or geographically. It’s funny because everyone my age feels this way too. Yet, we still compare ourselves to each other!

After coming home, relapsing from an ED (which I also talked about), and trying to live a life that is not mine, I’ve learned to be more present. How? By taking a break from social media! I was never invested in my Instagram or Snapchat, but I did look at what others post. This meant looking at their “happy” “thought out” lives. It turns out I actually don’t care anymore. I’m just not all for the perfect filter and 20 minute photo shoot with my coffee, so people can think I’m happy thing. I’d rather post reality.

It’s so nice to be able to just live my life and not know what other are doing unless I really care. Which then I’m texting and calling those people, so I don’t need to check their feed.

Another thing that has helped me stay present has been staying busy (in a good way). Not the type of busy where you try to avoid all your problems. The type of busy where I’m taking care of myself. I’ve been working a lot which will be beneficial to moving again. This makes me happy because it makes it more realistic that I’ll have a chance to be on my own. Another helpful way of staying busy has been working out. I have been trying to workout at least 3 times a week and it has made my mood a lot better. It has also provided me with a lot of energy to get through the days.

Trying to live in the moment can almost seem like a chore at times. The truth is it shouldn’t be like that. Life is tough so we would rather block out the negatives, but that doesn’t do us any good. We need to make moves to change the things we don’t like around. Be patient and eventually it will be so natural that you won’t even remember what life was like when you cared so much about what others were doing.

Happy Almost Thanksgiving!

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Pointless things I’ve spent my money on in my 20’s.

lifestyle, Uncategorized

Honestly, I don’t regret my spending as most brought me a lot of joy. There are certain things I definitely didn’t NEED to do. I am in my 20’s though and before saving was a thing I am guilty of spending my money in ways I probably shouldn’t have.

  1. Buying overpriced resale concert tickets:

Coming from a one direction fan who lives in America, you can see where this is going. There are certain shows I just “had” to see because you never know when your favorite artists are gonna go in your again. Especially when all the musicians you like live in the U.K. Now that I’m a bit older I know spending $200 over the actual price of the ticket is not the best decision with all these bills I have to pay. It was fun while it lasted.

2. Last minute flight tickets:

One day I will get my act together. I’m that person who books ticket last minute and ends up paying for an overpriced ticket for a short trip. If it takes giving up coffee for a while to pay ahead of time, do it.

3. That brings me to my next item… COFFEE:

I spend a lot of money on coffee. Seeing how many points I have makes me cry in a bad way. $6 everyday on coffee adds up. I’ve started limiting myself to a couple times a week. IT’S PROGRESS OK!

5. Interest charges:

This one makes me cry more than coffee. Don’t spend a lot of money on your cards if you can’t pay it off during the time you have 0% interest. I’m dealing with the consequences now. It’s not fun.

6. Late payments (car tickets, registration, etc.):

Being late with ticket payments for me is usually because of laziness, avoidance, and a bad memory. Do yourself a favor and pay for it as soon as you can, so you don’t have to pay more for an already pricey situation.

7. People who don’t matter:

I’m really careless with throwing my money around for others. I mean I do it because I like to see people happy. This isn’t on the list because the money matter, but because you shouldn’t have to go out of your way all the time for someone you might not be talking to a year from now. It doesn’t make you a bad person.

That’s it for now. I’m sure I’ll have more to add to this a few years from now. I’ll definitely work on my spending habits. Having so many bills to pay for kind of helps with that.

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Don’t lose your wallet,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Why Letting Go Of An Eating Disorder Is Hard.

mental health, Uncategorized

Lately, I’ve been going to these support groups for my “past” eating disorder. I say past because although I am in recovery, it is a very thin line between recovery and relapse. In fact I relapsed not too long ago after almost two years in recovery.  In these support groups I attend we talked about letting go of the eating disorder. One thing most can agree on is how hard it is letting go of the ED. From the outside looking in it’s so easy to just say “well stop acting on it and you’ll be fine.” I even try to convince myself to stop giving a shit on good days. Good days aren’t everyday.

When I was 13 years old I developed an eating disorder because I was not happy with myself. In fact, I can’t remember a time I was. That’s a lot easier to say out loud now. I wanted to lose weight because I was an athlete going through puberty. I was a teenager who needed to be better in every way. Most of the things I told myself were lies. When I was 23 I got diagnosed with an ED and started treatment. When I became an adult, the ED wasn’t there because I felt like I needed to be better. It was still around because it was a way for me to feel sorry for myself. It was something that allowed sympathy into my life. Having a tough exterior which was fake most of the time was a LOT to handle. I never let myself feel vulnerable. Everything was possible if I just pushed myself a little harder. Eventually I crashed.

Recovery has been mostly on my side. Up until a couple of months ago. My life was going through changes and I no longer had control of every little aspect of it. The ED creeped back in, why? Because I was in control of it. Deciding when or how much to eat was all on me. Relapsing was the best thing to happen to me. I HATED the way I felt. My body was out of control in those 3 days. This is when I realized I wasn’t in control, but my ED was. I told myself I never want to feel like that ever again. 

Now I’m back on track with my recovery and it feels GREAT. Of course, not everyday feels great. On bad days, I turn to my ED as a form of compassion. This I am slowly learning to find within myself. It will take time, but I am willing to give the time to something so important. Although I haven’t let go of my ED completely, I hope that one day I will be able to. I hope to look to myself for comfort, support, and sympathy. 

One day, this will not rule me.

 

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Take care of yourself!

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Los Angeles travel guide from an LA native! 

travel, Uncategorized

 

Hello! My name’s Suzy and I will be your tour guide today. Born and raised in Los Angeles, I’ve got a few places for you to try. Have a look:

 

Hiking: Fern Dell

The Fern Dell hike is the perfect one for any newcomers to the city. It isn’t that difficult and the best part is that it takes you to the griffith observatory. From there you will see great views of every part of the city.

Urth Caffe: You’ve probably seen a bunch of pictures of this place. Urth is very hyped, but it is definitely worth it. My favorites are the margherita pizza and turkey panini. They have great ice blended coffee’s called granita.

Griffith Observatory: As mentioned earlier, the Griffith Observatory has great views, especially at night. Just look at the picture I took!

Beaches: You can’t go to LA without stopping by the beach. My favorite beach is Malibu State Beach. The beaches here can get quite dirty, but this one is clean and the sand is close to the water. Santa Monica includes a long walk to the water, but it is a nice place to go at night, as it has the pier with rides!

The Americana or The Grove: Outdoor shopping is LA’s specialty. These two places are essentially the same experience. Depending on where in LA you are staying will help you decide which one to go to. Affordable/High end shopping plus great food options!

 

I don’t have a picture of these places, but The Americana does have one of my other favorite places to eat, Lemonade. It is like a cafeteria setting, but with really good food. It’s a pretty “LA” place, but the Lemonade is pretty delicious! My favorite is blood orange.

 

 

BONUS:

*Transportation Tips*: LA is definitely not known for it’s public transportation. If you are coming here make sure to rent a car or rely on uber. Make sure you plan ahead of time to get to your destination, the traffic is no joke. Hours to watch out for are morning work commute and 4pm-7pm.

 

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Safe Travels,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Moves I’m making to help find myself.

mental health, Uncategorized

5 stars for the cheese worthy title? If you’ve been following my blog posts and really if you’re human, you know life is up and down. This past year I moved away, came back home, moved away again, and came back home again. I’m in my 20’s, so you can imagine it’s a difficult time of trying to find out where I’m supposed to be in life. In the past making stupid decisions has been my way of life. It’s kind of sad actually. Losing yourself is difficult. Being so sure of who you are and then completely losing track of that is one big obstacle.

In the midst of all of this there was one big thing missing in my life…love. I stopped loving myself. Actually the last time I truly loved myself I was too young to remember. You know what not loving yourself does? It causes you to search for acceptance elsewhere. Because I couldn’t love myself I tried to find that through other things. Hooking up, partying, and social drinking to avoid my problems. This makes it sound more dramatic, but it’s the truth. Even if I wasn’t a party animal, even doing it occasionally for the wrong reason was a bad idea.

There is no regret in any of the choices I made because I’ve learned from them. In fact I’ve had to fall down several times to finally be at the place I am now. Which is surrender and stop putting up with all of that (excuse my French) shit! It took relapsing from my eating disorder and getting back on a routine to wake up.

I started working out 3 times a week because it helps me stress less and take care of myself.

I go to a support group each week and make appointments to see my therapist.

Most importantly I talk positively to myself which allows me to put myself first.

No more trying to find what I’m missing elsewhere. The only person who I need right now is me. I can’t expect someone to love or accept me because I can’t, that is my job.

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Have a GREAT weekend!

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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How to unwind after a stressful day.

health, Uncategorized

We’ve all been there. Long day of work after an already long commute, lack of sleep, errands that need to be done, and dealing with things that might come with a mental or physical illness. Trust me when I say I’ve felt this way plenty of times. When you have a day like this it’s important to take some time out for your self care.

It took me a while to figure out something that works for me, but there are ways to unwind that really do help.

Going for a walk: I know going on a walker might sound like a lot after a long day. I personally found that if I come home and lounge the moment I get in, I won’t move. Going for a walk gets my mind clear and still allows me to put in the effort for the other ways I like to unwind.

Taking a shower/bath: An obvious one, but it really DOES WORK. Just like clean sheets on a bed.

Dinner and a movie: My favorite thing to do is to watch a new movie while eating dinner. It gets me to zone out and just do something for fun instead of work.

Watch some motivational pep talks on YouTube: I’ll be posting some great TED talks I’ve been watching in another blog post. I watch these motivational videos because it gets me eager for the next day and I wake up (most times) feeling excited to take on the day.

Practice Mindfulness: Meditating can be really hard. It takes a lot of practice sometimes. I’ve been really trying to get in the habit and found an app that makes it easier. It’s called Aura and you put how you’re feeling and can do a quick 3 min meditation! It makes it a lot easier to keep up doing it before bed every night.

If you have any additional tips to add, let me know how you unwind!

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Have a good week!

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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How To NOT Give Into Peer Pressure (Even As An ADULT).

lifestyle, Uncategorized

Growing up is a funny thing. We constantly compare ourselves to others and question if we are doing everything right. As if there is a right way to do anything. All of this usually leads to insecurity and feeling out of place. This is why not a lot of people have good things to say about the high school years. Turns out, peer pressure is still a thing in adulthood. Again, questioning if you are where you need to be because someone else did more to get there. Thinking you need to be living somewhere because everyone else is. I’m here to tell you there is way to break this cycle.

There is no doubt I’ve had and still have my insecurities. I would be lying if I said I didn’t question certain things I did. I still may struggle with this, but one thing I’ve been good at is putting my foot down when it comes to my beliefs. Of course, as I get older some of my views change. There are just somethings that I like to say to myself to keep me on MY right track.

Everyone is equal: 

Always remind yourself that we are all HUMAN. Someone having a better job or making more money doesn’t make them above you. Someone choosing to go to parties and have a lot of friends doesn’t make them more important than you.

If it hasn’t happened yet, it isn’t the right time.

Things do fall in place when they are supposed to. Rushing some things just makes for unfortunate stories you get to share later on in life. Honestly, just think about how many times you’ve heard people say they have regretted something. (P.S. NEVER regret anything).

If you don’t know what’s best for you, what makes you think your friends do?

Growing up is different for everyone. Someone’s version of events can be different than yours. You ultimately know what is best for you even if it doesn’t seem like it at all times.

At the end of the day you are left with your thoughts.

When you go to bed at night, you close your eyes, force yourself to go to sleep, and have all this time to replay thoughts in your head. Before you make a decision, ask yourself what thoughts will be going through your head when you are in bed that night.

Trust me when I say everything is temporary. The pain, the confusion, the pressure. It may seem like what you do now defines the rest of your life, but I’m here to tell you life goes on.

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Until next time,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Why I moved back home…AGAIN.

lifestyle, Uncategorized

Somehow I’m always back here again. I’ve written a couple of blog posts about moving out of state, coming back, and moving out again. In this one I am explaining why I am back.

This time a longer temporary move back home. The plan is to be here for another year and then officially move out FOR GOOD. After the last couple of tries, I am dedicated to make it happen in this next chapter.

Moving out of state was hard. Knowing absolutely no one and trying to make ends meet. The first time, I freaked out. Reality set in and I was really hard on myself. I cried for days and decided it was rushed. Moving back, I thought I would give other locations a try. My heart kept telling me Nashville was the place I needed to be. After spending a couple of months back home I decided to give it another go. Let’s just say finances weren’t on my side and I needed to make a realistic decision.

After working for a week and expecting to make it okay. I started to think about my future. By future, I meant my 30’s. The truth is I didn’t want to be a 30 year old in debt from credit cards that I spent too much on. Staying in Nashville meant using my credit the first couple of months as I had not saved up enough. Although I was desperate to move out due to a rocky home life, it wasn’t the best timing. I thought if I could live rent free for another year and pay off some debt, why not?

Almost two months later from returning and I’ve realized some old habits have come back to haunt me. Being home and just in this city in general gets me in a bad mood. I get angry a lot and have been feeling that sense of fight or flight again. This has made me take extra measures to stay away from old behaviors. Having the ability to take care of myself helps quite a bit. If I had to work all day to pay rent I know I wouldn’t have that chance.

Being at home isn’t the easiest, but it is the best thing for me at this point in my life. I think it’s important to stop comparing myself to others and just do what’s best for my future and PRESENT. That was the hardest thing to accept during this whole process.

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Thanks for sticking around,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Culture+Mental Illness: Does it affect it?

mental health, Uncategorized

Culture is an interesting thing. You see we don’t really have a choice of what culture we are raised in. Although, you must be proud and celebrate your culture despite possibly having different beliefs.

My culture is based around a lot of conservative beliefs. I myself grew up with these beliefs because it was “right”. Really, it was all I knew to be right. Being a 25 year old now, I’m more than capable of having my own mind. I believe that you can respect your culture without believing everything you’re told you have to.

I believe in love for everyone.

I believe that your gender doesn’t matter.

I believe that every color and background deserves equal treatment.

I believe that mental health is real.

I believe that living your life way you want to doesn’t make you a bad person.

I believe that it isn’t in your head.

I believe that you can feel whatever you want to.

I believe that you can choose your own life.

The times I’ve been called names or had eyes be rolled at me because I thought different is ridiculous. This is mainly why I say what’s on my mind. If others have the nerve to say all those things to my face, than I have the power to fight back with the truth.

This is why I am living my life for me. 

It’s not too late to sign up to vote in some states. Let your voice be heard for those who can’t share theirs.

Happy Weekend,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Simple tips for domestic flights!

travel

The only good thing about flying red eye is this picture I got of the sunset.

Hello, everyone! Welcome to another day and another travel post from me. To tell you the truth, I actually enjoy flying. Am I the only one? After my summer that consisted of me constantly in the air, I thought I would give a run down of my favorite U.S. airlines!

Did you know you can be part of a member points program for free? Obviously you need to buy flight tickets to get points, but you don’t need to get the credit cards they are always offering! Because of this I am a member of 3 of my favorite airlines mentioned below:

3. Southwest Airlines

Southwest takes my number 3 spot due to the amount of flights it offers and the affordibility! It is a great quick getaway airline. You don’t get to choose your seats ahead of time, but check in early and you can choose a great seat when you board. Another perk, you can change your flight for FREE! Trust me, this comes in handy.

2. Alaska Airlines

Alaska is one of the comfortable airlines. You never have to worry about being squished between people with them. The great thing about Alaska is that it is usually really clean and nice inside. I once sat on a 30 minute flight and was on an aircraft with individual TV screens. It was great! Even without, they are a great airline.

1. JetBlue

Taking the number one spot to be JetBlue. It is definitely the more luxurious option from the other two I mentioned. Inside is spacious and clean! The only downside to JetBlue is that it is more of an east coast airline, so some can’t always enjoy the benefits of this airline.

Let me know if you have a favorite airline not mentioned above!

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Safe Travels,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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