I moved back and stopped comparing myself to others.

social media, Uncategorized

This past summer I wrote about moving out of state and moving back (twice). Moving back because I felt like I was rushing and not as financially stable as I could’ve been.

A lot of it is comparing myself to other 25 year olds and thinking:

“If I don’t do this, how am I an adult.”

“Why is my life going at such a slow pace?”

And then reality hit and I realized if I have to come home for another year just so I can have a positive experience next time around, I’m up for it.

This mean I had to be willing to work and work some more. Stop caring where I am career wise or geographically. It’s funny because everyone my age feels this way too. Yet, we still compare ourselves to each other!

After coming home, relapsing from an ED (which I also talked about), and trying to live a life that is not mine, I’ve learned to be more present. How? By taking a break from social media! I was never invested in my Instagram or Snapchat, but I did look at what others post. This meant looking at their “happy” “thought out” lives. It turns out I actually don’t care anymore. I’m just not all for the perfect filter and 20 minute photo shoot with my coffee, so people can think I’m happy thing. I’d rather post reality.

It’s so nice to be able to just live my life and not know what other are doing unless I really care. Which then I’m texting and calling those people, so I don’t need to check their feed.

Another thing that has helped me stay present has been staying busy (in a good way). Not the type of busy where you try to avoid all your problems. The type of busy where I’m taking care of myself. I’ve been working a lot which will be beneficial to moving again. This makes me happy because it makes it more realistic that I’ll have a chance to be on my own. Another helpful way of staying busy has been working out. I have been trying to workout at least 3 times a week and it has made my mood a lot better. It has also provided me with a lot of energy to get through the days.

Trying to live in the moment can almost seem like a chore at times. The truth is it shouldn’t be like that. Life is tough so we would rather block out the negatives, but that doesn’t do us any good. We need to make moves to change the things we don’t like around. Be patient and eventually it will be so natural that you won’t even remember what life was like when you cared so much about what others were doing.

Happy Almost Thanksgiving!

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

PinterestInstagram | Tumblr | Twitter

Advertisements

Moves I’m making to help find myself.

mental health, Uncategorized

5 stars for the cheese worthy title? If you’ve been following my blog posts and really if you’re human, you know life is up and down. This past year I moved away, came back home, moved away again, and came back home again. I’m in my 20’s, so you can imagine it’s a difficult time of trying to find out where I’m supposed to be in life. In the past making stupid decisions has been my way of life. It’s kind of sad actually. Losing yourself is difficult. Being so sure of who you are and then completely losing track of that is one big obstacle.

In the midst of all of this there was one big thing missing in my life…love. I stopped loving myself. Actually the last time I truly loved myself I was too young to remember. You know what not loving yourself does? It causes you to search for acceptance elsewhere. Because I couldn’t love myself I tried to find that through other things. Hooking up, partying, and social drinking to avoid my problems. This makes it sound more dramatic, but it’s the truth. Even if I wasn’t a party animal, even doing it occasionally for the wrong reason was a bad idea.

There is no regret in any of the choices I made because I’ve learned from them. In fact I’ve had to fall down several times to finally be at the place I am now. Which is surrender and stop putting up with all of that (excuse my French) shit! It took relapsing from my eating disorder and getting back on a routine to wake up.

I started working out 3 times a week because it helps me stress less and take care of myself.

I go to a support group each week and make appointments to see my therapist.

Most importantly I talk positively to myself which allows me to put myself first.

No more trying to find what I’m missing elsewhere. The only person who I need right now is me. I can’t expect someone to love or accept me because I can’t, that is my job.

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Have a GREAT weekend!

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

PinterestInstagram | Tumblr | Twitter

Eating disorders are MORE than just a NUMBER.

mental health, Uncategorized

*There may be some sensitive content for some viewers. Information/details on eating disorders.*

I dealt with an eating disorder for 10 years. Most of the time I had disordered eating patterns, but all of the time I had body image issues. I know people who haven’t experienced an eating disorder or recovery may think that it all just revolves around the number. The more weight you lose the worse your disorder actually is. In fact, this is why I didn’t think I had an eating disorder until my 10th year of dealing with it. I’m glad there is more talk on mental health so I would like to just touch up on some things that may come along with an eating disorder.

  • It is a mental health issue: This isn’t just a physical problem. There is a chemical imbalance in ones brain which causes them to think and feel different. Of course this then can lead to physical problems. Some of which include an unhealthy weight, poor dental hygiene, bone issues, heart issues, and etc.
    • Body dysmorphia is part of an eating disorder: The way one thinks about themselves is very important to identifying an eating disorder. I personally pictured myself very different in my head compared to how I really looked in person. It can also be an obsession with physical experience that can take up most of a persons time.
    • There are many different types of an eating disorder: Speaking from my own experience, I had binge eating disorder. What this meant is that I would spend days not eating full meals and then decided to eating everything in site in one day. Along with this I had obsessive thoughts about my appearance.
    • You don’t have to be at a certain weight to have an eating disorder: Everybody’s body is different. This means everyone will have a healthy body weight that may not be the same as the person next to them. My weight fluctuated a lot, but I was never really thin or really overweight. I looked healthy so I thought I was. This is what I meant by it being a mental illness. Just because someone doesn’t look sick doesn’t mean they aren’t.

    I hope this gives a little insight on eating disorders. Please feel free to share your own thoughts or anything I might’ve left out in the comments below. If you or anyone you know might be suffering with an eating disorder, check out the website below for some more information:

    National Eating Disorders Association

    Thank you for reading,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

    PinterestInstagram | Tumblr | Twitter

    My Biggest Fear…

    Uncategorized

    Happy, sad, confused, excited, angry, and scared. As humans we feel it all. Despite feeling it all, we sometimes don’t like to show our emotions or even talk about them. I recently watched a Zoella vlog that opened up a conversation about her greatest fear. I think this is a great topic to bring up. It’s nice to be reminded that being unsure is a part of life. Not having it all together right now or ever is completely fine and actually normal. It is okay not to be okay.

    For a big chunk of my life I have dealt with mental disorders and now physical as well. Being constantly surrounded by these issues day after day it was pretty hard for me to be scared of anything. I had to get thick skin from a young age. Now I’ve realized that there might be a few things I’m scared of, even if I am scared to admit it. Well, I guess that’s the first one. I don’t like to admit weakness because weakness scares me. We can’t be strong all the time because if we could that would mean we are capable of handling any situation, but we can’t.

    Another fear of mine has to do with more of my future. For a while I’ve known that I want to be a mother. Now, I don’t think that’s the ONLY thing I’m meant to be or do. I’ve just always loved the idea of being a parent and I think I would be pretty good at it. I guess I’m just scared of not having a kid of my own. What if I don’t meet someone I can start a family with? I know there are always other options. I just don’t want to live my life with “what ifs”.

    Lastly, I’m scared planning too much that I never live in the moment. It’s easy to look back at the past year and ask myself why I didn’t just enjoy the moments for what they were. My brain seems to be focusing on other things and doesn’t give me the chance to enjoy my life for what it is sometimes. One of my goals is to just worry about now or even better, enjoy what is now.

    Do you have a greatest fear? Let’s not be scared to talk about the hard stuff.

    Thanks for stopping by,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

    InstagramTumblr

    Coping skills for anything.

    Uncategorized


    Coping skills: Methods a person uses for stressful situations.

    Finding the right coping skills for myself hasn’t always been easy. It took me a while to be creative with what to do during some not so easy times. Here are a few things that I’ve found helpful and hopefully you will too! 

    Journaling: Writing can be great therapy! This being a blog, I’m sure many people on here would find this coping skill helpful Writing your thoughts down is an easy way to let it all out and looking back at it sometimes is a good reminder that things can get better.  



    Knitting: This coping skill is one that I learned while dealing with an eating disorder. I’ve found that knitting keeps me busy when I’m thinking of binge eating or just keeping me distracted from intrusive thoughts. There a lot of video tutorials on YouTube if you want to learn how to knit! 



    Podcasts: Podcasts just like all great coping skills are a great distraction. Besides it being a distraction, it is great motivation. Podcasts cover all sort of topics and it can be helpful to hear stories of people going through a similar situation that you have been going through. Podcasts can be found on YouTube or there are quite a few free ones on iTunes. 

    Puzzles: Puzzles can be fun and very productive! Once you get started with one it’s hard to stop. 

    Movies/TV Shows: This one is probably not the most productive coping skill, but it is the most available one. I love to find a great movie or get sucked into a tv show when times are hard. It will keep me occupied from constantly thinking the worst. 

    I hope these coping skills give you some ideas. If you have any of your own, please let me know in the comments. It’s always great to find new ones! 



    -Suzy [Fragile, yet fearless]

    Never too old…

    Uncategorized

    If there is anything I’ve learned about having a journal, it is that writing is VERY therapeutic. Most people think of teenage girls keeping secrets from their parents when a journal is mentioned. I happen to think of venting all of life’s “headache” problems out and allowing a peace of mind. 

    I started keeping a journal during the painful times of my eating disorder. It was a way for me to journal what I was eating because I had to see it on paper in order for me to identify that I had a problem. Now, I think my journal is great for writing down when I feel a certain way so that I can later go back and figure out why or what made me feel that way. With everything that is happening contstantly it can be my way of storing memories. Remember, you are never too old to keep a journal. 
    *DREAM. SPARKLE. SHINE*

    -SUZY

    (journal is from Nordstrom Rack)