I moved back and stopped comparing myself to others.

social media, Uncategorized

This past summer I wrote about moving out of state and moving back (twice). Moving back because I felt like I was rushing and not as financially stable as I could’ve been.

A lot of it is comparing myself to other 25 year olds and thinking:

“If I don’t do this, how am I an adult.”

“Why is my life going at such a slow pace?”

And then reality hit and I realized if I have to come home for another year just so I can have a positive experience next time around, I’m up for it.

This mean I had to be willing to work and work some more. Stop caring where I am career wise or geographically. It’s funny because everyone my age feels this way too. Yet, we still compare ourselves to each other!

After coming home, relapsing from an ED (which I also talked about), and trying to live a life that is not mine, I’ve learned to be more present. How? By taking a break from social media! I was never invested in my Instagram or Snapchat, but I did look at what others post. This meant looking at their “happy” “thought out” lives. It turns out I actually don’t care anymore. I’m just not all for the perfect filter and 20 minute photo shoot with my coffee, so people can think I’m happy thing. I’d rather post reality.

It’s so nice to be able to just live my life and not know what other are doing unless I really care. Which then I’m texting and calling those people, so I don’t need to check their feed.

Another thing that has helped me stay present has been staying busy (in a good way). Not the type of busy where you try to avoid all your problems. The type of busy where I’m taking care of myself. I’ve been working a lot which will be beneficial to moving again. This makes me happy because it makes it more realistic that I’ll have a chance to be on my own. Another helpful way of staying busy has been working out. I have been trying to workout at least 3 times a week and it has made my mood a lot better. It has also provided me with a lot of energy to get through the days.

Trying to live in the moment can almost seem like a chore at times. The truth is it shouldn’t be like that. Life is tough so we would rather block out the negatives, but that doesn’t do us any good. We need to make moves to change the things we don’t like around. Be patient and eventually it will be so natural that you won’t even remember what life was like when you cared so much about what others were doing.

Happy Almost Thanksgiving!

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Moves I’m making to help find myself.

mental health, Uncategorized

5 stars for the cheese worthy title? If you’ve been following my blog posts and really if you’re human, you know life is up and down. This past year I moved away, came back home, moved away again, and came back home again. I’m in my 20’s, so you can imagine it’s a difficult time of trying to find out where I’m supposed to be in life. In the past making stupid decisions has been my way of life. It’s kind of sad actually. Losing yourself is difficult. Being so sure of who you are and then completely losing track of that is one big obstacle.

In the midst of all of this there was one big thing missing in my life…love. I stopped loving myself. Actually the last time I truly loved myself I was too young to remember. You know what not loving yourself does? It causes you to search for acceptance elsewhere. Because I couldn’t love myself I tried to find that through other things. Hooking up, partying, and social drinking to avoid my problems. This makes it sound more dramatic, but it’s the truth. Even if I wasn’t a party animal, even doing it occasionally for the wrong reason was a bad idea.

There is no regret in any of the choices I made because I’ve learned from them. In fact I’ve had to fall down several times to finally be at the place I am now. Which is surrender and stop putting up with all of that (excuse my French) shit! It took relapsing from my eating disorder and getting back on a routine to wake up.

I started working out 3 times a week because it helps me stress less and take care of myself.

I go to a support group each week and make appointments to see my therapist.

Most importantly I talk positively to myself which allows me to put myself first.

No more trying to find what I’m missing elsewhere. The only person who I need right now is me. I can’t expect someone to love or accept me because I can’t, that is my job.

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Have a GREAT weekend!

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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How To NOT Give Into Peer Pressure (Even As An ADULT).

lifestyle, Uncategorized

Growing up is a funny thing. We constantly compare ourselves to others and question if we are doing everything right. As if there is a right way to do anything. All of this usually leads to insecurity and feeling out of place. This is why not a lot of people have good things to say about the high school years. Turns out, peer pressure is still a thing in adulthood. Again, questioning if you are where you need to be because someone else did more to get there. Thinking you need to be living somewhere because everyone else is. I’m here to tell you there is way to break this cycle.

There is no doubt I’ve had and still have my insecurities. I would be lying if I said I didn’t question certain things I did. I still may struggle with this, but one thing I’ve been good at is putting my foot down when it comes to my beliefs. Of course, as I get older some of my views change. There are just somethings that I like to say to myself to keep me on MY right track.

Everyone is equal: 

Always remind yourself that we are all HUMAN. Someone having a better job or making more money doesn’t make them above you. Someone choosing to go to parties and have a lot of friends doesn’t make them more important than you.

If it hasn’t happened yet, it isn’t the right time.

Things do fall in place when they are supposed to. Rushing some things just makes for unfortunate stories you get to share later on in life. Honestly, just think about how many times you’ve heard people say they have regretted something. (P.S. NEVER regret anything).

If you don’t know what’s best for you, what makes you think your friends do?

Growing up is different for everyone. Someone’s version of events can be different than yours. You ultimately know what is best for you even if it doesn’t seem like it at all times.

At the end of the day you are left with your thoughts.

When you go to bed at night, you close your eyes, force yourself to go to sleep, and have all this time to replay thoughts in your head. Before you make a decision, ask yourself what thoughts will be going through your head when you are in bed that night.

Trust me when I say everything is temporary. The pain, the confusion, the pressure. It may seem like what you do now defines the rest of your life, but I’m here to tell you life goes on.

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Until next time,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Why I moved back home…AGAIN.

lifestyle, Uncategorized

Somehow I’m always back here again. I’ve written a couple of blog posts about moving out of state, coming back, and moving out again. In this one I am explaining why I am back.

This time a longer temporary move back home. The plan is to be here for another year and then officially move out FOR GOOD. After the last couple of tries, I am dedicated to make it happen in this next chapter.

Moving out of state was hard. Knowing absolutely no one and trying to make ends meet. The first time, I freaked out. Reality set in and I was really hard on myself. I cried for days and decided it was rushed. Moving back, I thought I would give other locations a try. My heart kept telling me Nashville was the place I needed to be. After spending a couple of months back home I decided to give it another go. Let’s just say finances weren’t on my side and I needed to make a realistic decision.

After working for a week and expecting to make it okay. I started to think about my future. By future, I meant my 30’s. The truth is I didn’t want to be a 30 year old in debt from credit cards that I spent too much on. Staying in Nashville meant using my credit the first couple of months as I had not saved up enough. Although I was desperate to move out due to a rocky home life, it wasn’t the best timing. I thought if I could live rent free for another year and pay off some debt, why not?

Almost two months later from returning and I’ve realized some old habits have come back to haunt me. Being home and just in this city in general gets me in a bad mood. I get angry a lot and have been feeling that sense of fight or flight again. This has made me take extra measures to stay away from old behaviors. Having the ability to take care of myself helps quite a bit. If I had to work all day to pay rent I know I wouldn’t have that chance.

Being at home isn’t the easiest, but it is the best thing for me at this point in my life. I think it’s important to stop comparing myself to others and just do what’s best for my future and PRESENT. That was the hardest thing to accept during this whole process.

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Thanks for sticking around,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Sometimes, being an adult is intimidating!

lifestyle, Uncategorized
  • Let’s face it, adulthood isn’t what we thought it would be like. Especially when you’re first starting to figure life out. Although it may seem like things are tough now, it won’t always be like this. Remember there is always still HOPE! I know it sounds cliche, but if you read my other posts you’ll see that I haven’t always had it easy. Although that’s been the case, I’m still here giving myself the chance to live the life I deserve. Oops, I didn’t mean to get so deep. Anyways… Don’t let these things stop you from getting where you want to be.
    1. Applying for a credit card: I definitely thought I would be great with my credit. At the beginning, I actually was. Then life happened and here we are. So, here’s what I learned that can lower your credit score: don’t apply for too many credit cards too early, and make sure not to spend more than 30% of your limit.
      Getting health insurance: Unfortunately having health issues out of the blue are pretty common. Whether a minor injury or more serious problems, it’s always best to make sure you’re covered! If money is an issue you can apply for more affordable coverage. Whatever the case, GET INSURANCE.
      Meeting new people: As an adult it can be harder yet easier to meet new people. You see in school, it’s easy to meet people because you’re stuck with them in the same class. As a working adult, you actually have to put in more effort to make new friends. I DO think it’s better to meet people as an adult because you can surround yourself with people you actually want to be around and not people you are obligated to be around. Look at the brighter side of it!
      Being accountable for yourself: I am referring to booking your own appointments and making sure you show up. What helps me is using my day off to call all the places I need to and schedule them. Afterwards, adding it to the calendar on my phone or writing it in a planner helps remind me to get there! Next thing you know, you are one responsible adult.

    Every period we go through in life will have it’s ups and downs, but it’s nice to know you aren’t alone. That’s why I wanted to write this, so others can avoid the mistakes I wasn’t told about. My best adulting advice: Things will only be as intimidating as you make them.

    If you have anything else to add, feel free to add them in the comments below!

    Thanks for reading,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Thoughts on turning 25!

    lifestyle, Uncategorized

    A while ago I wrote a blog post about my fear of getting older. It stemmed from a need to have my life together and not struggling to make ends meet. Turns out the 20’s aren’t “old”. It’s just the constant struggle of how to act, what age to act, and when to act a certain way. As anyone else, I’ve gone through a lot of changes this past year.

    A couple of days ago I turned 25 and now I see aging in a completely different light… well, sort of. Instead of fearing it, lately I’ve been excited to get older. Some of this still comes from the pressure of needing to have it all together. I’m hoping in 10 years I will be a lot more comfortable than I am now. You know, having a career and living in a city I love. I’ve decided to accept the 20’s for what they are. A learning period of mistakes, realizations, and understanding the what I want out of life. I don’t mean what I want to do or when I want to settle down. I mean doing things I love without second guessing myself. Crying when I want to cry, laughing when I want to laugh, and ignoring the voice in my head that tells me otherwise. It’s like a constant battle in my head with negative judgment. After moving and coming back home I’ve realized that things aren’t going to be easy. I need to push myself to allow myself to struggle because ultimately that’s how I will learn. Especially with all the health issues I’ve had to deal with, I know now I just need to GO FOR IT. Sometimes I might fall but at least I won’t have to be wondering what if.

    So whoever is reading this, embrace where you are now in life. Don’t worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. There is a reason why people tell you to not compare your life with anyone else’s.

    Thanks for stopping by,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    I’m Moving…Again. Ego aside.

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    One month ago I made a move to a new state. I lasted one week, cried for a long time, and came running back home. I came back with mixed feelings. Being in a your 20’s is a funny thing. Feeling like I needed to simply have my shit together so settling for a little less on my paycheck wasn’t cutting it for me. I got scared and thought rent would lead to more problems. After being home for a month now, I’ve decided I quit too early. I gave up on myself and was looking for comfort. Familiarity is my comfort. As much as I wanted to get out of my hometown, it was comfortable.

    It’s not easy trying new things. It’s not easy packing your whole life and starting a new way of life in a new city. Turns out, life isn’t easy. There are going to be many times where I will be placed into uncomfortable situations, but if I never am when will I grow?  This sounded less cheesier in my head. Point is, I need to fight for what I want. I need to work hard and put my pride aside. I will have plenty of time to be a business owner and live the life I’ve always wanted. In order to get that I need to work my face off right now so that in the future I can find new comfort and familiarity.  There is more to life than money and your career. How do I know this? Because after spending these past couple of years miserable in a city I once loved and dealing with various health problems, things become a bit more clear.

    If there is one thing you will take away from this blog I hope it is that everyone is fighting a battle. You are not alone. I’ve heard of so many experiences of people who tried to start over but had to face rejection, long hours, and life lessons to get to where they are now. Stop comparing your life to others on instagram and do what you need to do to make YOURSELF happy. It won’t always be what you want, but it will be what you will need. I hope that makes sense.

    Best of luck to you all!

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Why I’m leaving LA.

    lifestyle, mental health

    In case you haven’t heard, it’s Mental Health Awareness week. You might wonder what any of this has to do with the post title. Well, surprisingly it has a lot to do with it.

    I was born and raised in a suburb in Los Angeles, CA. Now a days it’s pretty hard to call anywhere a suburb around here. I love where I grew up. The great thing is I was close enough to all the great things you’re exposed to in LA, but still able to enjoy quiet neighborhoods around people you grow up with. Being 24 now, I’ve had the privledgr of enjoying my early 20’s in a city filled with things to do at all hours. Now that I’ve had my fun, I’ve realized that it’s time for me to leave this place. Just because I’m still young it doesn’t mean I need to be in a big city going out all the time. An age is just a number and you should never feel like you HAVE to live your life a certain way.

    When I was 19 I got diagnosed with OCD and since then I’ve had an eating disorder and som physical health issues. These past few years have been a struggle trying to not stress over daily life. I’ve always been attracted to quiet towns with nature and good old mannerisms. Since I was younger, living in the south has been a dream of mine. About a year ago I decided I was not happy and it was time for me to put my health first. This is when I made it a plan and goal to move. Since then I have been working extremely hard trying to get out of here to save my sanity. As grateful as I am for this city, I still hold a lot of resentment towards it. A lot of my anger and stress doesn’t get better when I am sitting in traffic or living with my family because trying to get a place out here is just ridiculous and not worth it. I’m definitely not the person who is willing to live with roommates. I need my space and I need a small city that doesn’t take over an hour to get across. It’s time for me to make a change.

    Since I decided to leave (which will be in a few weeks), I have gotten some positive responses and some negative. People really want to tear you down just because they might not get your decisions or when they are simply too afraid to do things themselves. I’ve decided to only listen to positive people and mainly just listen to myself. This is something I want to do and nothing anybody says will change that. I know what’s best for my happiness. Don’t forget that YOU MATTER. Your health relies so much on your happiness so please take care of yourself. Put yourself first. There is nothing wrong with that.

    Thank you for reading. I hope you will follow my moving journey with me. I will be posting about my road trip and moving into my first apartment by myself. Follow if you’d like to keep up.

    Until next time,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    What Those With Mental Illnesses Want You to Know.

    health, Uncategorized

    It’s crazy to even have to say this. In a world where some mental and physical illnesses are being ignored, it is so important to get the word out there about serious conditions. It just doesn’t seem fair to stay quiet because of what other people will think or because a subject is taboo. The only way to start accepting things and taking them seriously is by talking about them. By listening and showing compassion. No stranger to mental disorders, I’ve decided to write this post. I’m not ONLY writing this for others struggling, but for people who know someone with an illness and aren’t sure how to react. Here are a few things we’d like you to know.

    1. I don’t want you to relate, I want you to listen.

    2. I’m not expecting sympathy, I’m just tired of being looked at like I’m making it up.

    3. It’s not all in my head. It feels like I’ve lost control of everything.

    4. What I have is a health condition. There is a lot of science that backs it up. I cannot help the chemical imbalances in my brain.

    5. I DO NOT WANT THIS FOR MYSELF. Please, don’t tell me I’m making it up because I WANT something to be wrong with me

    I guess everyone deals with mental disorders a bit different. It’s really hard to express yourself when nobody believes you. We understand that you don’t really know how someone feels unless you are in their shoes. This doesn’t mean you can’t just listen and accept the situation for what it is. It was hard for me to accept this at first too, but when I realized there’s nothing I can do to go back and change it… that’s when I knew it was real. Despite the frustration and confusion, I do not and will not ever wish a mental disorder on even my worst enemy.

    Thank you for reading,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Let The Resolutions Begin.

    lifestyle


    Believe it or not, it’s almost 2018 folks! I haven’t really been a resolution type of person lately. The last time I made resolutions was 4 years ago when I wrote them down and put them in a jar. A year later I opened it up and realized I had achieved almost ALL of my resolutions. I don’t know why I stopped. Maybe life just. got in the way. Now, I’m ready to set up some goals again, but realistic and without the pressure that comes with having a resolution. Here are a few things I hope to accomplish and will definitely be blogging my steps to accomplishing them! 

    1. Move to Nashville, TN: My most important goal has to be number one. I need to move to the place I feel the most at home. I’ve wanted this for so long and have taken the first few steps to get there (will blog about). 
    2. Start online classes: Scool is NOT my thing. I’ve always wanted to have my own gymnastics facility which you really don’t need school. However, I do want to learn and experience some other skills. This is why I’m turning to online courses.
    3. Pay off at least one credit card bill: Probably my most adult goal of next year. I feel like this will be pretty doable… hopefully.
    4. More self care: These past few months have been pretty tough. You know, just been busy with life. I haven’t been doing too well with looking after myself. Saying that, I’m going to take the initiative and take time for the little things in life. 

    These are my goals so far for next year. I’ll be blogging my journey to at least TRY to make these happen. Best of luck to you for your new year goals! 
    Until Next Time,

    Suzy [Fragile, yet fearless]

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