Why I moved back home…AGAIN.

lifestyle, Uncategorized

Somehow I’m always back here again. I’ve written a couple of blog posts about moving out of state, coming back, and moving out again. In this one I am explaining why I am back.

This time a longer temporary move back home. The plan is to be here for another year and then officially move out FOR GOOD. After the last couple of tries, I am dedicated to make it happen in this next chapter.

Moving out of state was hard. Knowing absolutely no one and trying to make ends meet. The first time, I freaked out. Reality set in and I was really hard on myself. I cried for days and decided it was rushed. Moving back, I thought I would give other locations a try. My heart kept telling me Nashville was the place I needed to be. After spending a couple of months back home I decided to give it another go. Let’s just say finances weren’t on my side and I needed to make a realistic decision.

After working for a week and expecting to make it okay. I started to think about my future. By future, I meant my 30’s. The truth is I didn’t want to be a 30 year old in debt from credit cards that I spent too much on. Staying in Nashville meant using my credit the first couple of months as I had not saved up enough. Although I was desperate to move out due to a rocky home life, it wasn’t the best timing. I thought if I could live rent free for another year and pay off some debt, why not?

Almost two months later from returning and I’ve realized some old habits have come back to haunt me. Being home and just in this city in general gets me in a bad mood. I get angry a lot and have been feeling that sense of fight or flight again. This has made me take extra measures to stay away from old behaviors. Having the ability to take care of myself helps quite a bit. If I had to work all day to pay rent I know I wouldn’t have that chance.

Being at home isn’t the easiest, but it is the best thing for me at this point in my life. I think it’s important to stop comparing myself to others and just do what’s best for my future and PRESENT. That was the hardest thing to accept during this whole process.

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Thanks for sticking around,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Culture+Mental Illness: Does it affect it?

mental health, Uncategorized

Culture is an interesting thing. You see we don’t really have a choice of what culture we are raised in. Although, you must be proud and celebrate your culture despite possibly having different beliefs.

My culture is based around a lot of conservative beliefs. I myself grew up with these beliefs because it was “right”. Really, it was all I knew to be right. Being a 25 year old now, I’m more than capable of having my own mind. I believe that you can respect your culture without believing everything you’re told you have to.

I believe in love for everyone.

I believe that your gender doesn’t matter.

I believe that every color and background deserves equal treatment.

I believe that mental health is real.

I believe that living your life way you want to doesn’t make you a bad person.

I believe that it isn’t in your head.

I believe that you can feel whatever you want to.

I believe that you can choose your own life.

The times I’ve been called names or had eyes be rolled at me because I thought different is ridiculous. This is mainly why I say what’s on my mind. If others have the nerve to say all those things to my face, than I have the power to fight back with the truth.

This is why I am living my life for me. 

It’s not too late to sign up to vote in some states. Let your voice be heard for those who can’t share theirs.

Happy Weekend,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Simple tips for domestic flights!

travel

The only good thing about flying red eye is this picture I got of the sunset.

Hello, everyone! Welcome to another day and another travel post from me. To tell you the truth, I actually enjoy flying. Am I the only one? After my summer that consisted of me constantly in the air, I thought I would give a run down of my favorite U.S. airlines!

Did you know you can be part of a member points program for free? Obviously you need to buy flight tickets to get points, but you don’t need to get the credit cards they are always offering! Because of this I am a member of 3 of my favorite airlines mentioned below:

3. Southwest Airlines

Southwest takes my number 3 spot due to the amount of flights it offers and the affordibility! It is a great quick getaway airline. You don’t get to choose your seats ahead of time, but check in early and you can choose a great seat when you board. Another perk, you can change your flight for FREE! Trust me, this comes in handy.

2. Alaska Airlines

Alaska is one of the comfortable airlines. You never have to worry about being squished between people with them. The great thing about Alaska is that it is usually really clean and nice inside. I once sat on a 30 minute flight and was on an aircraft with individual TV screens. It was great! Even without, they are a great airline.

1. JetBlue

Taking the number one spot to be JetBlue. It is definitely the more luxurious option from the other two I mentioned. Inside is spacious and clean! The only downside to JetBlue is that it is more of an east coast airline, so some can’t always enjoy the benefits of this airline.

Let me know if you have a favorite airline not mentioned above!

If you’d like to see more of my posts, follow (fragile, yet fearless) to see a post every Monday and Friday!

Safe Travels,

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Why I Didn’t Go To College.

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This isn’t going to be me preaching about how pointless college is or how important it is to GET a degree after I chose not to. Simply, I’m explaining why I paved my own path and decided to live my life for me.

All my life I knew what I wanted to do in life. I had a back up plan for every over the top dreams and goals. This back up was something I was actually passionate about. When I was a kid, I decided that I would own a gymnastics facility. This has not changed. I knew I needed experience for this. I started coaching in high school and continued after. Could having a business degree help me with this? Of course, but I saw so many successful coaches run their business without that piece of paper. School was a difficult time for me, as it was for a lot of people. Personally speaking, it wasn’t due to bullying or anything similar to that. I can only remember one time where I felt motivated in school. This was  when I tried to get straight A’s, so my parents would take me to a better gymnastics facility. You see, I had a lot of mental illness issues in school. During that time I had no idea. I always made light of the way I was, but never had been diagnosed with anything. Learning was straining for me. I know that sound dramatic, but it was hard to take in information. Not only that, but I was so depressed that I had no motivation to even try my best anymore. You’re never taught these things in school. I just felt dumb. I couldn’t be smarter than the person next to me. Raising my hand to possibly give the wrong answer to a question was never an option.

I got lucky that my career choice doesn’t require a degree. I still can’t imagine trying to go to college now because I still deal with a lot of health issues. I also don’t want to go to school. There, I said it! Education is constantly being promoted and we are constantly being told that we are privileged to be able to go to school. Yes, I’m from America and I do believe we are lucky. However, I don’t think people should feel GUILTY if they choose not to take that route. It isn’t fair to make those who don’t or can’t get an education feel less than their peers. My mom wasn’t happy with me choosing this lifestyle, but my dad understood. Now, they both understand. I have so much experience coaching and wouldn’t change it for anything. I have no regrets for choosing what’s best for me.

This is why I didn’t go to college.

Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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Sometimes, being an adult is intimidating!

lifestyle, Uncategorized
  • Let’s face it, adulthood isn’t what we thought it would be like. Especially when you’re first starting to figure life out. Although it may seem like things are tough now, it won’t always be like this. Remember there is always still HOPE! I know it sounds cliche, but if you read my other posts you’ll see that I haven’t always had it easy. Although that’s been the case, I’m still here giving myself the chance to live the life I deserve. Oops, I didn’t mean to get so deep. Anyways… Don’t let these things stop you from getting where you want to be.
    1. Applying for a credit card: I definitely thought I would be great with my credit. At the beginning, I actually was. Then life happened and here we are. So, here’s what I learned that can lower your credit score: don’t apply for too many credit cards too early, and make sure not to spend more than 30% of your limit.
      Getting health insurance: Unfortunately having health issues out of the blue are pretty common. Whether a minor injury or more serious problems, it’s always best to make sure you’re covered! If money is an issue you can apply for more affordable coverage. Whatever the case, GET INSURANCE.
      Meeting new people: As an adult it can be harder yet easier to meet new people. You see in school, it’s easy to meet people because you’re stuck with them in the same class. As a working adult, you actually have to put in more effort to make new friends. I DO think it’s better to meet people as an adult because you can surround yourself with people you actually want to be around and not people you are obligated to be around. Look at the brighter side of it!
      Being accountable for yourself: I am referring to booking your own appointments and making sure you show up. What helps me is using my day off to call all the places I need to and schedule them. Afterwards, adding it to the calendar on my phone or writing it in a planner helps remind me to get there! Next thing you know, you are one responsible adult.

    Every period we go through in life will have it’s ups and downs, but it’s nice to know you aren’t alone. That’s why I wanted to write this, so others can avoid the mistakes I wasn’t told about. My best adulting advice: Things will only be as intimidating as you make them.

    If you have anything else to add, feel free to add them in the comments below!

    Thanks for reading,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    “I am so OCD” Literally.

    mental health, Uncategorized

    Let me start this off by saying “I am OCD” makes absolutely no sense. You can’t BE a disorder; you can HAVE a disorder. However, people somehow think they are Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I say all this, but the truth is I don’t get offended when people say they are or have ocd. I got diagnosed with it about 6 years ago. The only time it rubs me the wrong way when people make light of it is when they know I have it and somehow try to relate. I don’t need them to relate or understand. I just like to be taken seriously and not like I’m trying to have something wrong with me.

    Mentioned on my blog a lot is my past eating disorder and my recovery now. Mental illness is just a part of my life and I’ve accepted that. The one mental illness that (I’m just gonna say it) has been absolutely HELL has been OCD. It all started with this. I’ve had it for as long as I can remember. In fact, I don’t remember a time where I didn’t have it. When I was younger I had a lot of compulsive behaviors and intrusive thoughts. Having no idea what OCD actually was, I just thought I was a bad person. You see, this disorder says a lot of messed up things when it’s speaking to you. I convinced me I was evil.

    When I reached 19 years old, the fear of germs took over. I knew something was wrong when I couldn’t leave my house because I didn’t want to get contaminated. My hands were cracking and bleeding from washing so much. After a lot of research, I got help. Beginning therapy saved me from this terrifying threat in my life. Although I still attend therapy and now take medication for OCD, it doesn’t mean it’s completely non existent now. I’m just used to having it around now. Most importantly, I’m aware of it. I can now fight back.

    The truth is I’m not mad at people who say they have OCD when they don’t, is because I used to say that too before I really knew what it was.  If there is anything you can take away from this. I hope it is to not judge too quickly, but instead help out those who may seem lost.

     

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    Until next time,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    I Relapsed. *Eating Disorder Content*

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    Let’s awkwardly forget that I haven’t blogged for over a month. This month DID bring a lot of unfortunate events into my life. So, now I have a lot to say and feel like this is the safe place to do it. Calling the internet safe? I might regret this.

    When people hear the word relapse, they mostly think of addiction. The type of addiction that comes with drugs and alcohol. The relapse I’m talking about has to do with eating disorders. I almost went two years without purposely having behaviors since I got discharged from treatment. What does “purposely” mean? Well, I’ve gone times where I’ve skipped a meal hear and there, but it wasn’t because I wanted to. Sometimes life gets busy and I can’t eat at the same exact time I did the day before. These past few days were a bit different. I intentionally decided to restrict for a couple of days because I felt like I had no control of how much I ate. For most people an eating disorder is a way to gain control and I guess I never understood that, until now.

    I wrote this blog post about moving away regardless of what it took. I did end up attempting to move out of state again, but found myself back at home for a second time. Moving back meant taking  another year to fully prepare myself before I decide to go again. In a lot of ways coming back was the worst yet best thing for me now. In a lot of way I felt like my life was all over the place because I couldn’t do exactly what I wanted now. I had to settle on what I needed to do. This is where the eating disorder came into play. It was the only thing I was able to have control of. It almost felt like it was a choice. During the days I restricted I felt angry, got easily irritated, and I was exhausted. On the final day I had one of the worst migraines I’ve ever had. It was so bad that it made me fear restricting. A blessing in disguise that made me realize I NEVER want to feel like the way I did when I had an active eating disorder. I don’t want to be that person ever again.

    A week later and I am back on track on the road of recovery. I’m controlling how much and how little I eat. It’s the good kind of control. I’ve started taking care of myself and I’m happy with the way things are going right now. It also helped going to a support group not long after my relapse. If you are someone who is recovering from an eating disorder, please don’t be hard on yourself. That will only make things worse. There is no such thing as a step back in recovery. Everything you go through is a lesson that will only make you stronger.

    If you or anyone you know is in recovery or has an eating disorder, you can find help here: 

    National Eating Disorders Association

    Take care of yourself,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Eating disorders are MORE than just a NUMBER.

    mental health, Uncategorized

    *There may be some sensitive content for some viewers. Information/details on eating disorders.*

    I dealt with an eating disorder for 10 years. Most of the time I had disordered eating patterns, but all of the time I had body image issues. I know people who haven’t experienced an eating disorder or recovery may think that it all just revolves around the number. The more weight you lose the worse your disorder actually is. In fact, this is why I didn’t think I had an eating disorder until my 10th year of dealing with it. I’m glad there is more talk on mental health so I would like to just touch up on some things that may come along with an eating disorder.

    • It is a mental health issue: This isn’t just a physical problem. There is a chemical imbalance in ones brain which causes them to think and feel different. Of course this then can lead to physical problems. Some of which include an unhealthy weight, poor dental hygiene, bone issues, heart issues, and etc.
    • Body dysmorphia is part of an eating disorder: The way one thinks about themselves is very important to identifying an eating disorder. I personally pictured myself very different in my head compared to how I really looked in person. It can also be an obsession with physical experience that can take up most of a persons time.
    • There are many different types of an eating disorder: Speaking from my own experience, I had binge eating disorder. What this meant is that I would spend days not eating full meals and then decided to eating everything in site in one day. Along with this I had obsessive thoughts about my appearance.
    • You don’t have to be at a certain weight to have an eating disorder: Everybody’s body is different. This means everyone will have a healthy body weight that may not be the same as the person next to them. My weight fluctuated a lot, but I was never really thin or really overweight. I looked healthy so I thought I was. This is what I meant by it being a mental illness. Just because someone doesn’t look sick doesn’t mean they aren’t.

    I hope this gives a little insight on eating disorders. Please feel free to share your own thoughts or anything I might’ve left out in the comments below. If you or anyone you know might be suffering with an eating disorder, check out the website below for some more information:

    National Eating Disorders Association

    Thank you for reading,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Thoughts on turning 25!

    lifestyle, Uncategorized

    A while ago I wrote a blog post about my fear of getting older. It stemmed from a need to have my life together and not struggling to make ends meet. Turns out the 20’s aren’t “old”. It’s just the constant struggle of how to act, what age to act, and when to act a certain way. As anyone else, I’ve gone through a lot of changes this past year.

    A couple of days ago I turned 25 and now I see aging in a completely different light… well, sort of. Instead of fearing it, lately I’ve been excited to get older. Some of this still comes from the pressure of needing to have it all together. I’m hoping in 10 years I will be a lot more comfortable than I am now. You know, having a career and living in a city I love. I’ve decided to accept the 20’s for what they are. A learning period of mistakes, realizations, and understanding the what I want out of life. I don’t mean what I want to do or when I want to settle down. I mean doing things I love without second guessing myself. Crying when I want to cry, laughing when I want to laugh, and ignoring the voice in my head that tells me otherwise. It’s like a constant battle in my head with negative judgment. After moving and coming back home I’ve realized that things aren’t going to be easy. I need to push myself to allow myself to struggle because ultimately that’s how I will learn. Especially with all the health issues I’ve had to deal with, I know now I just need to GO FOR IT. Sometimes I might fall but at least I won’t have to be wondering what if.

    So whoever is reading this, embrace where you are now in life. Don’t worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. There is a reason why people tell you to not compare your life with anyone else’s.

    Thanks for stopping by,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    I’m Moving…Again. Ego aside.

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    One month ago I made a move to a new state. I lasted one week, cried for a long time, and came running back home. I came back with mixed feelings. Being in a your 20’s is a funny thing. Feeling like I needed to simply have my shit together so settling for a little less on my paycheck wasn’t cutting it for me. I got scared and thought rent would lead to more problems. After being home for a month now, I’ve decided I quit too early. I gave up on myself and was looking for comfort. Familiarity is my comfort. As much as I wanted to get out of my hometown, it was comfortable.

    It’s not easy trying new things. It’s not easy packing your whole life and starting a new way of life in a new city. Turns out, life isn’t easy. There are going to be many times where I will be placed into uncomfortable situations, but if I never am when will I grow?  This sounded less cheesier in my head. Point is, I need to fight for what I want. I need to work hard and put my pride aside. I will have plenty of time to be a business owner and live the life I’ve always wanted. In order to get that I need to work my face off right now so that in the future I can find new comfort and familiarity.  There is more to life than money and your career. How do I know this? Because after spending these past couple of years miserable in a city I once loved and dealing with various health problems, things become a bit more clear.

    If there is one thing you will take away from this blog I hope it is that everyone is fighting a battle. You are not alone. I’ve heard of so many experiences of people who tried to start over but had to face rejection, long hours, and life lessons to get to where they are now. Stop comparing your life to others on instagram and do what you need to do to make YOURSELF happy. It won’t always be what you want, but it will be what you will need. I hope that makes sense.

    Best of luck to you all!

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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