Eating disorders are MORE than just a NUMBER.

mental health, Uncategorized

*There may be some sensitive content for some viewers. Information/details on eating disorders.*

I dealt with an eating disorder for 10 years. Most of the time I had disordered eating patterns, but all of the time I had body image issues. I know people who haven’t experienced an eating disorder or recovery may think that it all just revolves around the number. The more weight you lose the worse your disorder actually is. In fact, this is why I didn’t think I had an eating disorder until my 10th year of dealing with it. I’m glad there is more talk on mental health so I would like to just touch up on some things that may come along with an eating disorder.

  • It is a mental health issue: This isn’t just a physical problem. There is a chemical imbalance in ones brain which causes them to think and feel different. Of course this then can lead to physical problems. Some of which include an unhealthy weight, poor dental hygiene, bone issues, heart issues, and etc.
    • Body dysmorphia is part of an eating disorder: The way one thinks about themselves is very important to identifying an eating disorder. I personally pictured myself very different in my head compared to how I really looked in person. It can also be an obsession with physical experience that can take up most of a persons time.
    • There are many different types of an eating disorder: Speaking from my own experience, I had binge eating disorder. What this meant is that I would spend days not eating full meals and then decided to eating everything in site in one day. Along with this I had obsessive thoughts about my appearance.
    • You don’t have to be at a certain weight to have an eating disorder: Everybody’s body is different. This means everyone will have a healthy body weight that may not be the same as the person next to them. My weight fluctuated a lot, but I was never really thin or really overweight. I looked healthy so I thought I was. This is what I meant by it being a mental illness. Just because someone doesn’t look sick doesn’t mean they aren’t.

    I hope this gives a little insight on eating disorders. Please feel free to share your own thoughts or anything I might’ve left out in the comments below. If you or anyone you know might be suffering with an eating disorder, check out the website below for some more information:

    National Eating Disorders Association

    Thank you for reading,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Thoughts on turning 25!

    lifestyle, Uncategorized

    A while ago I wrote a blog post about my fear of getting older. It stemmed from a need to have my life together and not struggling to make ends meet. Turns out the 20’s aren’t “old”. It’s just the constant struggle of how to act, what age to act, and when to act a certain way. As anyone else, I’ve gone through a lot of changes this past year.

    A couple of days ago I turned 25 and now I see aging in a completely different light… well, sort of. Instead of fearing it, lately I’ve been excited to get older. Some of this still comes from the pressure of needing to have it all together. I’m hoping in 10 years I will be a lot more comfortable than I am now. You know, having a career and living in a city I love. I’ve decided to accept the 20’s for what they are. A learning period of mistakes, realizations, and understanding the what I want out of life. I don’t mean what I want to do or when I want to settle down. I mean doing things I love without second guessing myself. Crying when I want to cry, laughing when I want to laugh, and ignoring the voice in my head that tells me otherwise. It’s like a constant battle in my head with negative judgment. After moving and coming back home I’ve realized that things aren’t going to be easy. I need to push myself to allow myself to struggle because ultimately that’s how I will learn. Especially with all the health issues I’ve had to deal with, I know now I just need to GO FOR IT. Sometimes I might fall but at least I won’t have to be wondering what if.

    So whoever is reading this, embrace where you are now in life. Don’t worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. There is a reason why people tell you to not compare your life with anyone else’s.

    Thanks for stopping by,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    I’m Moving…Again. Ego aside.

    Uncategorized

    One month ago I made a move to a new state. I lasted one week, cried for a long time, and came running back home. I came back with mixed feelings. Being in a your 20’s is a funny thing. Feeling like I needed to simply have my shit together so settling for a little less on my paycheck wasn’t cutting it for me. I got scared and thought rent would lead to more problems. After being home for a month now, I’ve decided I quit too early. I gave up on myself and was looking for comfort. Familiarity is my comfort. As much as I wanted to get out of my hometown, it was comfortable.

    It’s not easy trying new things. It’s not easy packing your whole life and starting a new way of life in a new city. Turns out, life isn’t easy. There are going to be many times where I will be placed into uncomfortable situations, but if I never am when will I grow?  This sounded less cheesier in my head. Point is, I need to fight for what I want. I need to work hard and put my pride aside. I will have plenty of time to be a business owner and live the life I’ve always wanted. In order to get that I need to work my face off right now so that in the future I can find new comfort and familiarity.  There is more to life than money and your career. How do I know this? Because after spending these past couple of years miserable in a city I once loved and dealing with various health problems, things become a bit more clear.

    If there is one thing you will take away from this blog I hope it is that everyone is fighting a battle. You are not alone. I’ve heard of so many experiences of people who tried to start over but had to face rejection, long hours, and life lessons to get to where they are now. Stop comparing your life to others on instagram and do what you need to do to make YOURSELF happy. It won’t always be what you want, but it will be what you will need. I hope that makes sense.

    Best of luck to you all!

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Two days in a new city. (I MOVED OUT!)

    lifestyle

    Like I mentioned in previous posts, I decided to move from Los Angeles, CA to Nashville, TN. I have been here for about 2 1/2 days doing the whole job hunting/apartment hunting craze. It was great when I first got here because I was just excited to even be here. Now…I’m starting to lose my cool.

    This is my first time being on my own so having to deal with rent to income ratio is STRESSING ME OUT. I’m in a new city trying to figure it all out, but I know I never will. After visiting a couple of places and making sure they are close proximity to some potential jobs makes it that much more challenging. I’ve been here before, but I guess I never realized how spread out things really are. I’m trying to sort this all out without running back home crying that I couldn’t do it. What makes it harder is that my mom is here with me so I feel like I almost need to validate why I CAN do this.

    After viewing a few places and almost deciding on a job, I have decided to lower my rent budget a bit and look at surrounding areas as well. My “job” is in a different town so I feel like being a bit more flexible with my options will be a lot more helpful. I just need to remind myself that everything is temporary and if I don’t like a certain apartment, I don’t have to be there forever. It’s hard adjusting to a new place so far from home, but I am still excited for what’s yet to come. (And a little terrified).

    Have a good rest of the week,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    These really DON’T matter in adulthood.

    lifestyle

    As a teenager or young adult a lot of us think that whatever we decide or do now is going to live on with us forever! Growing up, I’ve realized that this in fact is NOT true. I spent many days stressing over things that honestly weren’t and still aren’t a big deal. Maybe it’s getting more comfortable with who I am or maybe people just become a lot more sensible in adulthood (one can hope).  If you are a teen reading this, I want to ease you with some of the things you might be going through. The truth of the matter is that whatever you are going through you probably won’t even remember a couple years from now. Don’t worry, I’m here to make life a bit easier for you and let you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me, these don’t and shouldn’t matter!

    1. How many social gatherings you attend: This does not determine your cool factor.
    2. What “click” you should hangout with: Majority of people don’t really stay friends.
    3. How much you spend on materialistic items: Oh trust me, life gets more expensive.
    4. Planning your elaborate future: Trust me when I say… nobody’s life will go exactly as planned.
    5. WHEN you have your first kiss or lose your virginity: Nobody is comparing numbers in adulthood. If they are, they have some serious growing up to do. Take your time and do things as you want to. Years from now if all is done, you’ll realize how big of a deal it isn’t and life just goes on. Trust me, you’re not missing out on anything (and my nickname was “prude” in high school)… I know what it’s like to be on both sides of things.

    The truth is everything comes with happiness. You’ll realize how little these things in life really are when you find your inner peace. You will start enjoying your life so much more that you won’t need a stamp of approval or reassurance for any of it. Of course, this all comes in time. Be patient with yourself…always.

    Thanks for stopping by,

    Suzy

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    How to find the job you WANT!

    career, lifestyle

    Give it up for adulthood everyone! If you’re looking for a new job or just graduated and need to get that money flowing… flowing? who says that. Also, with all the bills in this world that isn’t too easy. Anyways, I’ve got some tips that have helped me on my job search. I haven’t mentioned what I do on here, but I am a gymnastics coach. I have been coaching for many years so when it comes to my job, I’ve had some good luck based on my experience. However, I’ve had other jobs as well with little experience so I’ve gone through the job search ordeal as well. Here are a few things to get you started.

    1. Create and upload your resume on a job search engine: My go to and one of the most popular sites is Indeed. If you upload your resume, employers will be able to search for what they are looking for and you might just pop up! It makes it much easier if you are too busy to search and apply for jobs during the day. Don’t worry, they do block out personal information like your address. A more professional job search engine would be LinkedIn.This is like a professional profile you can make and connect with those in the industry you desire.
    2. Gain some EXPERIENCE: I decided a while back that school wasn’t for me. Of course depending on the route you want to take in life, school might be something you NEED for your future. Regardless, experience in your career preference is what most employers are looking for. This means you might have to settle with working for free. Volunteering is one way to gain that experience. There are so many places that offer volunteer hours now. You can even volunteer to do admin work with a company you might see yourself having a future with. Here is one website you can search opportunities on. If you are in school, try interning! Ask your professors if they recommend any internships or if they need help with anything in that field themselves.
    3. Network: This isn’t always easy and might seem a bit intimidating. Networking is one way to not only meet people in your industry, but gain knowledge from their path. Try to attend events within your field and don’t be afraid to mingle. Ask questions and find out if this really is something you want to pursue.
    4. Search online for some tips! Just like you are doing right now by reading this post, there are so many people willing to offer a helping hand. If you are interested in a few career paths, try searching on youtube for people who are in that industry. There are so many videos that give you an honest behind the scenes of what it takes to “make it”. It will be one way for you to test out if you should be continuing your current career choice.
    5. Be open to change: I’m sure by now you have heard that you’ve got to start from somewhere. Be flexible with your jobs and be willing to wear different hats. For example, I’ve been open to work at day cares and do admin work while coaching. This gives me more child care experience in a different environment, AND administrative experience that I can use in a different industry if willing. Don’t be afraid of change and remember that all good things do actually take time.

    Best of luck to you on your job search. Remember to be patient with yourself. Everybody’s life is different so don’t compare yours with those around you.

     

    Have a great week,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    This is what therapy is like: What to watch out for!

    lifestyle, mental health

    Therapy comes in different shapes and sizes. This is why it’s important to “shop around” and not lose hope. I’ve heard good experiences of therapy and bad experiences. I myself have had a bit of both. Here are a few questions I think someone who hasn’t tried therapy (or who has) would like answered.

    [I am no expert and have no background in psychology. These are my opinions from a patients point of view.]

    How do you find a therapist? 

    If you are planning to go through insurance, most insurance plans have a search engine for professionals on there websites. I just searched online for my first therapist and got super lucky. Reviews will tell you a lot also…do your research!

    How do you CHOOSE a therapist?

    If able, the best time to make a decision on a therpist is when you have seen more than a one. You don’t want to settle for the first therapist you see unless you get a great vibe off of them and feel comfortable. I went back to my first therapist after I had seen a couple of other ones due to insurance. I knew she was my pick because I felt totally comfortable sharing things with her and I could tell she wasn’t after my money. If you’ve seen a couple then you can ultimately tell who would work best for you. I’ve been with casual/cool, more reserved, and bored therapists. Yes, bored…this brings me to the next question.

    When is a therapist NOT a good fit?

    If your therapist is constantly yawning during your session, please find a new one. If it’s one or two fine, but multiple and during every session is NOT a good sign.  You don’t want to seem like a chore for your therapist. They should be engaged and present during the conversations you share.

    Is therapy expensive?

    If you find someone who is in network with your provider than insurance should cover some if not all of your visit. If a therapist is out of network, you may still have a chance to get reimbursed per visit. My therapist isn’t covered with my insurance, but I decided to pay regardless because I think she is great and I wouldn’t want to see someone else. Also, most therapists provide a sliding scale. This means if money is tight, they may be willing to charge you less hourly than normal. It doesn’t hurt to ask!

    I hope this is helpful to anyone who is seeking therapy or is in an uncertain situation with a therapist. I personally LOVE therapy and don’t view it as a chore. Being able to talk to someone who doesn’t judge and isn’t around you all the time makes me feel really confident with everything I say. To let it all out in a safe environment has many perks. Don’t be afraid to give it a try if you are hesitant.

    Happy Weekend,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Guilt from being tired.

    lifestyle, Uncategorized

    Today was just one of those days for me. I was exhausted for a majority of the day and found it tough to get out of bed. I started feeling guilt for wasting my day away and not getting much done. The fact is, I have a health condition that causes me to be tired almost all the time. I guess someone that mean I shouldn’t feel bad about it, but I still do. Sometimes there is this pressure to constantly be doing something because that means you have your life together. The more productive you are, the more successful you will be. Maybe some of that has truth to it, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take breaks from time to time. My body has a great way of telling me when I need to slow down. Usually my eyes will start to shut at work and when I get to bed it’s hard for me to get out even if my brain is fully awake. Today, I realized I am not going to feel guilty for needing a break. Expecting me to constantly be on the go and be doing something at all hours isn’t realistic. My life might be different than it used to be, but living in denial about my health won’t do anyone any favors. It’s time to accept the fact that I am going to need rest A LOT of the time. Instead of looking at it negatively, I can look at it in a way where I know resting is going to help me get better.

    Don’t feel like you aren’t worthy enough to have a day off. Move at your own pace and if today is just a day for you to sleep, than SLEEP! If it’s a day for you to get all your errands done, than go for it! Just try your best to not feel like you HAVE to do things or be a certain way.

    Have a good week,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    MOVING OUT… April Plans!

    lifestyle, Uncategorized

    About 3 years ago I decided I wanted to move to a lovely town called Nashville. After that, a lot of life got in the way. Last year I made it a goal that I would move for sure in the upcoming year. That bring me to today. In two months I will actually be moving to a city that has been my dream home. It’s crazy to see how the days are creeping up. Now I can start counting down… I get paid x amount of times before I move, I have x amount of weeks with my friends, and so on. Now is when I need to have a plan. Writing this out will hopefully clear my head space and give me some motivation.

    1. Finding a job: I would like to know that when I get to Nashville I will have a job already since moving is so stressful enough. These past few days I was freaking out thinking I wouldn’t be able to find one and I won’t have enough money on me to last long without a job. Turns out in one day all my hard work paid off. I emailed a lot of possible job opportunities in my field and got some responses. I might even have something, but I don’t want to get my hopes up just yet. 

    2. Trading my car: My car is something I definitely need to figure the heck out. My lease doesn’t end until next year, but I’m hoping I can trade it in with a vehicle I can drive to Nashville. (Being an adult is difficult)

    3. Finding the right day to give my notice at my two jobs: I’m hoping since I know I am moving I will give a months notice instead of two weeks. I’m going to try to do the end of this month if able. 

    4. Save! Save! Save!: I’ve been saving money this past month and have two more months of saving to go. With all the health issues I had it’s been hard to keep up. I am going to make it a priority to save as much as I can from here on out!

    5. Pay some credit card debt: Part of moving out means having good credit. I have some bills I definitely need to get out of the way. I pay my monthly fees, but I need to give an extra push this next month to get my credit score a little higher.

    Writing this did actually make me a bit more motivated. If you have any tricks when it comes to moving out, let me know!

    Happy April,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Follow if you would like to keep up with my moving journey!

    Not being confined.

    lifestyle, mental health, Uncategorized

    The reality is you don’t choose where or what situation to be born into. A lot of the times we think we need to be a certain way because of the way we were brought up. It’s great that there are so many different types of people and places in the world. What isn’t great is being expected to be someone because everyone around you wants you to be. I guess what I’ve realized is how most people in the culture I grew up in live the same type of life. You get an education (maybe) get engaged because it’s just the thing to do, married because the time has come. I haven’t seen a lot of people try to lead a different path or do things they are capable of because they aren’t “supposed to”. It’s funny because those who do decide to break away get judged for being themselves. The reason I’m writing this post is because I am that person. The one who get’s judged for saying what’s on my mind because what’s on my mind is so far from what should be. I’m not afraid to mention that I have issues and that’s probably why I talk about them so much. Part of the reason I started this blog is because I needed a place to speak my min since so many around me just don’t get it or want to try to understand. My mental health might make other around me uncomfortable, but I’ve accepted that my life isn’t perfect and I’m not going to pretend it is because showing frustration is considered weakness. I’ve decided I’m not going to be just another girl in this box. I’m going to live my life the way I want to and since I don’t have a problem with it, I don’t care if anybody else does.

    You are you and nobody can take that away from you. If you think you need to be a certain way, you probably are that exception. I’m here to tell you there is nothing wrong with being exactly who you are. 

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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