Eating disorders are MORE than just a NUMBER.

mental health, Uncategorized

*There may be some sensitive content for some viewers. Information/details on eating disorders.*

I dealt with an eating disorder for 10 years. Most of the time I had disordered eating patterns, but all of the time I had body image issues. I know people who haven’t experienced an eating disorder or recovery may think that it all just revolves around the number. The more weight you lose the worse your disorder actually is. In fact, this is why I didn’t think I had an eating disorder until my 10th year of dealing with it. I’m glad there is more talk on mental health so I would like to just touch up on some things that may come along with an eating disorder.

  • It is a mental health issue: This isn’t just a physical problem. There is a chemical imbalance in ones brain which causes them to think and feel different. Of course this then can lead to physical problems. Some of which include an unhealthy weight, poor dental hygiene, bone issues, heart issues, and etc.
    • Body dysmorphia is part of an eating disorder: The way one thinks about themselves is very important to identifying an eating disorder. I personally pictured myself very different in my head compared to how I really looked in person. It can also be an obsession with physical experience that can take up most of a persons time.
    • There are many different types of an eating disorder: Speaking from my own experience, I had binge eating disorder. What this meant is that I would spend days not eating full meals and then decided to eating everything in site in one day. Along with this I had obsessive thoughts about my appearance.
    • You don’t have to be at a certain weight to have an eating disorder: Everybody’s body is different. This means everyone will have a healthy body weight that may not be the same as the person next to them. My weight fluctuated a lot, but I was never really thin or really overweight. I looked healthy so I thought I was. This is what I meant by it being a mental illness. Just because someone doesn’t look sick doesn’t mean they aren’t.

    I hope this gives a little insight on eating disorders. Please feel free to share your own thoughts or anything I might’ve left out in the comments below. If you or anyone you know might be suffering with an eating disorder, check out the website below for some more information:

    National Eating Disorders Association

    Thank you for reading,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Thoughts on turning 25!

    lifestyle, Uncategorized

    A while ago I wrote a blog post about my fear of getting older. It stemmed from a need to have my life together and not struggling to make ends meet. Turns out the 20’s aren’t “old”. It’s just the constant struggle of how to act, what age to act, and when to act a certain way. As anyone else, I’ve gone through a lot of changes this past year.

    A couple of days ago I turned 25 and now I see aging in a completely different light… well, sort of. Instead of fearing it, lately I’ve been excited to get older. Some of this still comes from the pressure of needing to have it all together. I’m hoping in 10 years I will be a lot more comfortable than I am now. You know, having a career and living in a city I love. I’ve decided to accept the 20’s for what they are. A learning period of mistakes, realizations, and understanding the what I want out of life. I don’t mean what I want to do or when I want to settle down. I mean doing things I love without second guessing myself. Crying when I want to cry, laughing when I want to laugh, and ignoring the voice in my head that tells me otherwise. It’s like a constant battle in my head with negative judgment. After moving and coming back home I’ve realized that things aren’t going to be easy. I need to push myself to allow myself to struggle because ultimately that’s how I will learn. Especially with all the health issues I’ve had to deal with, I know now I just need to GO FOR IT. Sometimes I might fall but at least I won’t have to be wondering what if.

    So whoever is reading this, embrace where you are now in life. Don’t worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. There is a reason why people tell you to not compare your life with anyone else’s.

    Thanks for stopping by,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    I’m Moving…Again. Ego aside.

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    One month ago I made a move to a new state. I lasted one week, cried for a long time, and came running back home. I came back with mixed feelings. Being in a your 20’s is a funny thing. Feeling like I needed to simply have my shit together so settling for a little less on my paycheck wasn’t cutting it for me. I got scared and thought rent would lead to more problems. After being home for a month now, I’ve decided I quit too early. I gave up on myself and was looking for comfort. Familiarity is my comfort. As much as I wanted to get out of my hometown, it was comfortable.

    It’s not easy trying new things. It’s not easy packing your whole life and starting a new way of life in a new city. Turns out, life isn’t easy. There are going to be many times where I will be placed into uncomfortable situations, but if I never am when will I grow?  This sounded less cheesier in my head. Point is, I need to fight for what I want. I need to work hard and put my pride aside. I will have plenty of time to be a business owner and live the life I’ve always wanted. In order to get that I need to work my face off right now so that in the future I can find new comfort and familiarity.  There is more to life than money and your career. How do I know this? Because after spending these past couple of years miserable in a city I once loved and dealing with various health problems, things become a bit more clear.

    If there is one thing you will take away from this blog I hope it is that everyone is fighting a battle. You are not alone. I’ve heard of so many experiences of people who tried to start over but had to face rejection, long hours, and life lessons to get to where they are now. Stop comparing your life to others on instagram and do what you need to do to make YOURSELF happy. It won’t always be what you want, but it will be what you will need. I hope that makes sense.

    Best of luck to you all!

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    More travel tips (for beginners)!

    Uncategorized

    Hello everyone reading this 🙂

    If you’re new here, I have a thing for traveling. Lately I even tried to move to another state…oh and I’m still attempting to move. The truth is no matter how many times you spend packing your bags or at the airport, there is always something new you learn. Here are a few things I’ve picked up these past years.

    1. Checked Bags: As far as domestic flights go, Southwest is the only airline that will allow two FREE checked bags. However, if you are alone and plan on having more bags, it is $75 for the third so you just end up paying the same as another airline.
    2. Frequent Flyer Points: I never knew how simple it was to join a frequent flyer program. I have accounts with both Southwest and Alaska Airlines for FREE. This isn’t the same as a credit card, but I do still get points each time I fly with them. Yes, you can get points from Expedia purchases as well.
    3. Download Your Airlines App: Every airline has an app these days so make sure you have it before you take off. This makes it easier as you can not only have flight information sent to you in case something changes, but you can also check in when the time comes!
    4. Check Your Bags In On Time: I actually didn’t know this because I rarely check bags, but arrive AT LEAST 45 minutes before boarding to check your bags in. I was running late one time and checked my bags in 30 minutes prior to boarding and has a risk of getting them late. Fortunately, it worked out fine this time!
    5. Print Your Boarding Pass: We live in a time where everything is done electronically. As great as it is to have your boarding pass on your phone, I think it is still important to print it as well. Technology lets us down and sometimes we might let ourselves down and drop our phones. Just be safe and have an extra form of a boarding pass on hand.

    Have fun on your next adventure! Let me know if you are going on any trip this summer in the comments below!!!

    -Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Here are 5 Affirmations to help you get through the day…

    mental health

    5

     

    If you’ve seen previous blog posts of mine, you know I’ve had my fair share of mental and physical illnesses. One thing that helps me are affirmations to remind me to accept myself and encourage me to keep fighting. If you don’t know what an affirmation is, it is a saying that offers emotional support. I used to use affirmations as my phone wallpaper so I could see it anytime I grabbed my phone. Another way to support yourself with affirmations is to tape them on your mirror or wall, so you will see them often. If you need some positive affirmations to lift you up; I have provided 5 that I personally find useful.

     

    I let go of all the lies I tell myself.Be patient with yourselfI am enough.I am doing the best that I can and that is enough.I forgive myself.

     

    If you have any affirmations you’d like to share, please comment them below!

     

     

    Thanks for reading,

    Suzy

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    I’m Back Home After “Attempting” To Move Out.

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    The past few years (before this blog) I have been going on and on about moving to Nashville. A couple of weeks ago I made the BIG move. Unfortunately, it didn’t go the way I had planned. I wrote this blog post while I was there and kind of touched on my frustrations. Coming from a cultural background where moving out is not a thing unless you are getting married, I really didn’t know much about what it is actually like. There is nothing I regret about giving moving a try because there is a lot that I realized. I am currently home for about a month because there are a few things I need to sort out before I make the move again. As much as I love Nashville, it might not be the place for me at this point in my life. Do I see myself buying a house there when I’m ready to settle down? I think so, but for now I’m ready to put other things first.

    The 20’s are a time to be adventourous and make stupid mistakes without having too many priorities. My dream is to one day open up my own gymnastics facility, but to have my own business I wouldn’t have the freedom to move or travel as much. This is why now is my time to explore that side of life.

    What I realized:

    I would rather have a financially stable job right now and give a new city a try than live in the city if my dreams paycheck to paycheck.

    Since I was a teen I’ve always put my goals for my career first (partly because of my ocd). I guess not much has changed about that. Before I moved I was willing to settle for a job that maybe didn’t pay so much, but as long as I was in my favorite city everything would be alright. It turns out if I can’t make enough to explore and do all the things I love in that city, than what is the point?

    All in all maybe this wasn’t the right time for me to move to Nashville, but I’m not giving up on moving. I’ve already applied to some other cities and am looking forward to my next adventure.

    Have you had any unexpected experiences when moving away?

    Thanks for stopping by,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Things I say to help me get through the day.

    mental health, Uncategorized

    Wow life is catching up and it’s been hard getting these blog posts up. Hopefully once a week isn’t too bad for now. I’ll have a lot of traveling pictures up here pretty soon since I’m moving THIS WEEK! Anyways, I wanted to share some things that help me get through the rough moments of life that I’ve learned these past couple of years. Hope this helps you out if you need a little extra boost.

    “Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full.”

    This is something my dietician told me in treatment for my eating disorder. It may seem like common sense to most, but for someone with a bad relationship with food it can make the world of difference.

    “I let go of all the lies I tell myself.”

    I like this saying so much that I got it tattooed on me. It’s nice reminder when I’m busy looking at myself in the mirror trying to find as many “imperfections” as I can.

    “This is just temporary.”

    I think one of the hardest parts of the 20s is that we like to compare ourselves to everyone else. We think where we are now in life is forever, but it isn’t. If you need to work those 3 jobs to make your way to a career you will one day have, do it!

    “A picture can lie.”

    Sticking with the comparison issue that seems to be rising, we are all aware of the impact of social media. A picture is just a highlight of someone’s day, it isn’t their everyday.

    I hope this gives you a little mid week boost. Best of luck with your day or night. I’ll be doing my best to update regularly on here as I’m in the midst of moving. Follow if you’d like to keep up with the move!

    Thanks for stopping by,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    Why I’m leaving LA.

    lifestyle, mental health

    In case you haven’t heard, it’s Mental Health Awareness week. You might wonder what any of this has to do with the post title. Well, surprisingly it has a lot to do with it.

    I was born and raised in a suburb in Los Angeles, CA. Now a days it’s pretty hard to call anywhere a suburb around here. I love where I grew up. The great thing is I was close enough to all the great things you’re exposed to in LA, but still able to enjoy quiet neighborhoods around people you grow up with. Being 24 now, I’ve had the privledgr of enjoying my early 20’s in a city filled with things to do at all hours. Now that I’ve had my fun, I’ve realized that it’s time for me to leave this place. Just because I’m still young it doesn’t mean I need to be in a big city going out all the time. An age is just a number and you should never feel like you HAVE to live your life a certain way.

    When I was 19 I got diagnosed with OCD and since then I’ve had an eating disorder and som physical health issues. These past few years have been a struggle trying to not stress over daily life. I’ve always been attracted to quiet towns with nature and good old mannerisms. Since I was younger, living in the south has been a dream of mine. About a year ago I decided I was not happy and it was time for me to put my health first. This is when I made it a plan and goal to move. Since then I have been working extremely hard trying to get out of here to save my sanity. As grateful as I am for this city, I still hold a lot of resentment towards it. A lot of my anger and stress doesn’t get better when I am sitting in traffic or living with my family because trying to get a place out here is just ridiculous and not worth it. I’m definitely not the person who is willing to live with roommates. I need my space and I need a small city that doesn’t take over an hour to get across. It’s time for me to make a change.

    Since I decided to leave (which will be in a few weeks), I have gotten some positive responses and some negative. People really want to tear you down just because they might not get your decisions or when they are simply too afraid to do things themselves. I’ve decided to only listen to positive people and mainly just listen to myself. This is something I want to do and nothing anybody says will change that. I know what’s best for my happiness. Don’t forget that YOU MATTER. Your health relies so much on your happiness so please take care of yourself. Put yourself first. There is nothing wrong with that.

    Thank you for reading. I hope you will follow my moving journey with me. I will be posting about my road trip and moving into my first apartment by myself. Follow if you’d like to keep up.

    Until next time,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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    These really DON’T matter in adulthood.

    lifestyle

    As a teenager or young adult a lot of us think that whatever we decide or do now is going to live on with us forever! Growing up, I’ve realized that this in fact is NOT true. I spent many days stressing over things that honestly weren’t and still aren’t a big deal. Maybe it’s getting more comfortable with who I am or maybe people just become a lot more sensible in adulthood (one can hope).  If you are a teen reading this, I want to ease you with some of the things you might be going through. The truth of the matter is that whatever you are going through you probably won’t even remember a couple years from now. Don’t worry, I’m here to make life a bit easier for you and let you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me, these don’t and shouldn’t matter!

    1. How many social gatherings you attend: This does not determine your cool factor.
    2. What “click” you should hangout with: Majority of people don’t really stay friends.
    3. How much you spend on materialistic items: Oh trust me, life gets more expensive.
    4. Planning your elaborate future: Trust me when I say… nobody’s life will go exactly as planned.
    5. WHEN you have your first kiss or lose your virginity: Nobody is comparing numbers in adulthood. If they are, they have some serious growing up to do. Take your time and do things as you want to. Years from now if all is done, you’ll realize how big of a deal it isn’t and life just goes on. Trust me, you’re not missing out on anything (and my nickname was “prude” in high school)… I know what it’s like to be on both sides of things.

    The truth is everything comes with happiness. You’ll realize how little these things in life really are when you find your inner peace. You will start enjoying your life so much more that you won’t need a stamp of approval or reassurance for any of it. Of course, this all comes in time. Be patient with yourself…always.

    Thanks for stopping by,

    Suzy

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    Seattle Trip Round-Up!

    travel

    In March I took a trip to Seattle for the first time. This was also the first time in a while that I went on a trip alone. Here’s how it went:

    I got to Seattle at night, so the next day I got up early and walked to the Columbia Center. I also happened to walk 69 steps up the Columbia Center to raise awareness and funds for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society…that’s actually why I was in Seattle.

    This was my view from the top!

    Here I am with team captain and youtuber, Monica Church. She’s the reason I found out about The Big Climb. Monica did the climb last year and made vlogs of her training. She is really talented and her videos can really relate to you if you are a fellow millenial.

    (She also has a main channel)

    My hostel was by the Pike Place Market, so I walked by it a couple of times.

    I met some awesome people through the climb who are from all over the USA.

    We ate at Joey Kitchen…yes, it was delicious!

    Saw this lovely guitar piece of art at the Pop Culture Museum!

    Managed to get a picture of the Space Needle along with some other buildings.

    This was my view from where I took that picture of the Space Needle. It is also where I had a peaceful setting to write this blog post.

     

    Seattle was great and I’m glad I got to visit there at last. The climb was an amazing experience that I will talk about for a long time. It makes me feel good that I did something nice for a GREAT cause. I will definitely be back at it again next year.

     

    Happy Weekend,

    Suzy [fragile, yet fearless]

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